revised May 26, 4:15 p.m.

Beware of writing about where you live. Smartmom has learned first hand the perils of being a local columnist. Case in point: her article in the Brooklyn Papers, “Ratner Money Can’t Buy Parents Love,” which angered many in the PS 321 community.

Needless to say, it wasn’t the first time Smartmom ruffled some Park Slope feathers. She already lost a friend because of one of her articles. And another friend is still angry about something she wrote.  Teen Spirit has asked that Smartmom not write about him—too much. And the Oh So Feisty One would like a name change.

This time, Smartmom knew that she’d pissed off members of the PTA the minute she walked into the Parent’s office, when she got some really dirty looks and tepid hellos
Now, Smartmom feels like the philosopher, Hannah Arendt, who was called a self-hating Jew, after she wrote, “Eichmann in Jerusalem.”

For those who missed it, Smartmom’s article was about the PS 321 fundraising auction at the Brooklyn Museum and Forest City Ratner’s $7,500. contribution.

Oy, it’s been quite a week. One person called Smartmom “sleazy” because she is part of the PTA and she attended the auction. Ouch. Another person wrote to say that members of the auction committee, who worked so hard to organize the event, feel insulted and hurt.

The question she was exploring in the article was this: What do you do when a generous and controversial benefactor comes along?

Do you take the money or not?

For practical reasons, you probably take the money. Why? Because the public schools are under-funded, overcrowded, and in desperate need of cash.

Every public school PTA in New York City works its butt off to raise money to pay for pencils, art supplies, paper, and other very basic supplies. Above and beyond that, the PTA at PS 321 makes possible all sorts of enrichments that enhance our children’s lives. 

So we need (and appreciate) all the money we can get. But it’s still a relevant moral question.

No one can deny that Ratner is a controversial figure in Brooklyn. Smartmom would have been remiss had she NOT mentioned that he was underwriting the event or that his name was in big letters on the program. Some in the school were incensed about his contribution.  Others were more practical: Just take the Money.

In truth, Smartmom was not sitting in judgment about the school’s decision to take the money. Not by a long shot. She is far more interested in the way these issues play out in a school with a politically savvy parent body.

Some thought Smartmom put a negative light on the fact that the event was held at the Brooklyn Museum. Was she accusing them of being (gasp) pretentious or elitist?  Not really. In Smartmom’s opinion, the museum’s Beaux Arts Court, which comes with a rental price tag of $6,500. is a  splendid space for the school to come together as a community. But without underwriting, the PTA would have to charge $125. per ticket, which is much too much to charge public school parents. One PTA member said they could  scale back and have the party in the Picnic House in Prospect Park like the old days, but that space only holds 200 people.

Even the  PTA debated whether to accept the Ratner funding. Prior to the event, there was a meeting with the principal and other members of the fund raising committee. The final decision was made by the principal, who said: we have to take the money, we can not discriminate.

And that’s the mandate of school chancellor Joel Klein, who  told the Department of Education that school principals must go after corporate money. This is a terrible state of affairs and a powerful topic for an article. But it was not the story Smartmom was writing.

Smartmom’s story was  simply (nothing is ever simple she learned big time) about the school auction and a large donation by a very controversial Brooklyn figure. In the column Smartmom pondered if  Ratner is an influence peddler or just a good friend of PS 321. She thinks he is probably a little of both. And that’s what makes the world go round.

If he’d wanted to make things easy for the PTA, he could have made an anonymous donation. But he obviously wants the recognition—that’s only human—and the publicity for his company (that’s showbiz).

As a people-pleaser, you can imagine how much Smartmom hates being snubbed on Seventh Avenue. But she’s getting used to it and is growing quite a thick skin.
And to the people who think Smartmom was ‘sitting in judgement’ of the PTA, a group she is actively involved with, Smartmom counters with this famous quote by Hannah Arendt from 1964:

“The heat caused by my ‘sitting in judgment’ has proved how uncomfortable most of us are when confronted with moral issues… and I admit that I am the most uncomfortable myself.”

With her eyes and ears open, Smartmom tries to write in an honest, and mostly loving way, about the community she is so passionately a part of.

Smartmom now knows that that can be a dicey thing to do.

Working on that thick skin.

Walked into PS 321 hoping that no-one was offended by the piece I wrote for Brooklyn Papers about the third grade test.

I think for the most part I’m preaching to the choir over there. But you never know. I saw the principal (we even made eye contact) and she didn’t seem aggravated. I assume she hates the standardized tests as much as I do but I’m not sure.

No one said a thing. Hey, that’s not good. Didn’t anyone read it?

HEY! WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT MY ARTICLE?????????????

About the Dumbo piece, a Park Slope man wrote me a great e-mail about the similarities between Park Slope and Dumbo.  I sent it to my editor to show him because I was excited to get a response from a reader. He decided to run it as a letter to the editor. Apparently, no one checked with the man to see if he he wanted the letter printed.

DOH.

He didn’t and wants a retraction. I feel awful. The learning curve is steep. But we’re getting there.

I got a perfectly awful e-mail from someone who said really mean things about my writing. I wanted to delete the e-mail but I decided to keep it as a measure of my thick skinness. See, I can take it I really can. Really….

Thick skin. Thick skin. Thick skin. Wait’ll you read this week’s piece…

I am enjoying the life of a Brooklyn newspaper columnist. But having a column in The Brooklyn Papers isn’t as "la di da" as you might expect.

While many people are enjoying the column, I have gotten some negative feedback from friends who feel that I am "using" them by referring to things they’ve told me. One or two think I’ve painted them in a bad light.

This is SO not what I intended. But, alas, it is an occupational hazard of writing. Especially writing based on one’s own experiences.

I apologize if I’ve inadvertantly offended anyone. While I don’t plan on being any less honest, I will respect people’s desire for information to be "off-the-record." Those who never want to be mentioned in the blog will never be mentioned in the blog.

Ah, the curse of the memoirst.

Smartmom is written in the 3rd person – and that’s an important fact. It has the feel of fiction on purpose. While  a great deal of it is based on my life and the life I see around me, I purposely write it as a story; the adventures of Smartmom, Hepcat, Teen Spirit and the Oh So Fiesty One.

Why? Because it’s more fun and it allows me to take liberties here and there.

People are referred to by fun, totally tongue-in-cheek names like Smartmom, Hepcat, Teen Spirit, the Oh So Fiesty One, Dumb Editor, etc.

Other characters are composites like Militant Mom, Type A, Bugaboo Mom, Overprotective Mom, Gluten Free, and others. Most of the time I am using real quotes (I don’t make this stuff up) but I might change the person or the situation in which it was said.

I feel very strongly that Smartmom is not written in a judgmental way. Sure, I have opinions about things. But I am really more interested in portraying a wide range of viewpoints and showing how Smartmom is affected by all that’s around her.

And humor is important, too. Because while we’re all super serious about our lives – there is much humor in it. It gets you through.

In my view, Smartmom is a fairly open-minded person who listens a lot and is a bit of a know-it-all. She’ll try anything – once – and is very observant and somewhat wry. But mostly she’s trying to figure things out and the learning curve is fairly steep. As Hepcat said in NOT MY KID: "It sounds like you made all the mistakes in the book. Simultaneously."

Yes, that could be Smartmom’s motto.

Smartmom’s name is the most tongue-in-cheek of all. It started back when my son (Teen Spirit) was a toddler. Smartmom was my alter ego: she was the good mother, the mother who did everything right. The one who, most importantly, remembered to bring kleenex to the playground or Goldfish crackers in small plastic containers. She was the one that anticpated all her baby’s needs with aplomb and never once left the house without diapers.

She was most definitely not me. Yet, she was the me I wanted to be. 

Overall, Smartmom has really good intentions when it comes to her kids, her husband, her extended family, and her community. But she is also a bit high strung, suceptible to spasms of envy, and a big, big worrier. If in NOT MY KID she seemed confused: she was. Who isn’t about having a teenager in these crazy times? The way she handled Teen Spirit was exactly what happened in real life: Smartmom went into a tailspin and channeled: Nancy Reagan, Reefer Madness, substance abuse expert, empathic-"I’ve been there, kid," and finally super-hysterical mom (it was all 100% so no one else can take credit for that).

Just like all of us, Smartmom doesn’t really know what to do. Oh sometimes she knows what to do – she’s Smartmom, afterall. But more often than not, she’s treading water, trying to do the right thing. If she seems buffoon-ish from time to time, it’s because, well, she is, from time to time.

It really doesn’t interest me to sit back in judgement of those around me. Nor am I interested in gossip or heresay. I actually hope that I am communicating something more. I totally believe that we are all, in so many ways, grappling with the issues of our time. The big stuff. Being humans, spouses, parents to our children, children to our parents, friends, members of our community, our city, our world.

How does it feel to be us? I can only offer my point of view and what I see and hear around me.  Sometimes funny, often wise, the community I live in is what inspires me and makes me understand a little more about this life.