From the Brooklyn Paper:
Distance. Divorce. Death. Holidays are fraught with strong feelings
of absence and longing. Intermingled with the festivity — and all the
delicious food and lively conversation — there’s the ever-present
awareness of who is far away and who is no longer around.
Indeed, this time of year is tough for Hepcat, living so far from
his large family in Northern California. And while he has always
enjoyed Thanksgiving with Smartmom’s relatives, Smartmom knows that a
part of him pines for connection with his. To make matters worse, his
father died on the eve of Thanksgiving in 1984, so he will always
asssoicate this holiday with that devastating loss.
Alas, going out to California for Thanksgiving is unthinkable; it’s too short a holiday for an expensive cross-country trip.
Happily, Hepcat’s mother, sister and brother-in-law have come to New
York for Thanksgiving a few times and joined Smartmom’s family for the
feast. Those are the most-special Thanksgivings of all; a merging of
both clans on this uber-family holiday.
As a child of divorce, Smartmom understands how it feels to be far
away from a loved one on a holiday. Since her parents’ divorce in 1976,
she has always spent Thanksgiving with her mother’s side of the family,
which has meant that she was never with her dad on Turkey Day.
Smartmom always missed her dad on Thanksgiving — and this year, the
first Thanksgiving since his death, she thought of him often.
It was hard not to. The meal began with a thoughtful toast from
Smartmom’s first cousin, who mentioned the deaths of Smartmom’s father
and her 86-year-old Uncle Jay, who died on Halloween in 2007. Smartmom
and Diaper Diva were deeply moved by the mention of their dad and tears
quickly filled their eyes.
And then the feast commenced. Smartmom’s blues dissipated as she
enjoyed the food and the company of her relatives. From the first
course to the last — popovers and butternut squash soup followed by
turkey, prime rib, stuffing, mashed potatoes, risotto, Brussels
sprouts, carrots and green beans and ending with pumpkin pie and coffee
— conversation swirled around each of three tables like a
content-filled tornado.
This well-informed and highly articulate family grouping, which
includes lawyers, a real-estate developer, a doctor, a social worker,
academics, the director of a non-profit, an arms negotiator, a set
designer, a smattering of middle, high school and college students, a
computer software designer, a photographer and a writer are capable of
loud and lively table conversation.
Here are just some of the topics touched upon:
• Mumbai (and how awful it was).
• Obama’s foreign policy (and how awful it won’t be).
• The remarkable skinniness of Teen Spirit’s jeans (it is remarkable).
• Post-college aspirations and living in Beijing.
• Turquoise hair (of course, everyone had read Smartmom’s columns in The Brooklyn Paper).
• Election night in Providence, Rhode Island.
• A novel about the Thai/Cambodian border.
• The Turkey Trot in Prospect Park.
• Kansas City jazz.
• Skinny ties.
• Mashed potatoes (and why there is never enough).
• Empty nests (and whether they happen too quickly or too slowly).
• Working as a social worker in the South Bronx.
• The movie, ”Synecdoche, New York.”
• Educational policy in Baltimore.
• Google.
Yes there was food and wine — and plenty of it. But it was the
alternating and non-stop conversations that were the most nourishing
and life affirming aspect of the event.
When Smartmom glanced over at Hepcat, she could tell he was enjoying
himself when he was surrounded by a minyan of her relatives
enthusiastically telling them about one of his recent photographic
projects.
On their drive home in the car, Hepcat told Teen Spirit and the Oh
So Feisty One, who were squeezed into the back seat, that one of the
reasons he married Smartmom was because of her terrific family and
their terrific Thanksgivings.
“The fact that I liked her family really sealed the deal. Of course, I liked her, too,” he mused.
“I should hope so,” Smartmom tartly replied.
Still, it made Smartmom happy that despite the distance and the
echoes of death that Thanksgiving represents, Hepcat feels cherished
and loved by her East Coast family on this difficult day.
