Second grade girls can be pretty mean. What they call Grade Recess over at my daughter’s elementary school might just as well be called "Lord of the Flies."

Is it diabolical or just developmental?

My daughter has been coming home with stories that would make your skin curl. And she’s no innocent victim. But I worry that she is being manipulated into mean girl behavior by alpha girls that don’t seem to know better.

My girl seems a bit confused by it all. "She makes me be mean to people I actually like," says my daughter about another girl who seems to be the center of the action. "I really hate her but I also want to play with her…" My daughter adds, obviously confused by the attraction and repulsion she feels toward this girl.  It’s a double bind.

I am struggling to figure out what to do. I’ve talked to her teacher and some other parents who have girls in the second grade. One mother, who has older girl, has been through it before and says that you have to do a lot of work at home to counteract what going on. You can’t necessarily change the world of the playground but you can instill moral and ethical thinking in your child.

One or two moms have tried to speak to the mother of the most alpha girl of all but the mother doesn’t want to get involved. "Leave me out of this," she told one mom. "Let them figure it out for themselves."

While that is often my attitude about more benign childhood squabbles, this seems to be a problem of a different magnitude. What goes on in that playground is settting the groundwork for  emotional baggage that could last a lifetime. 

This is my first exposure to the world of mean girls. Sure there were some meanies when I was a kid but I didn’t get pulled in. I better read the books, see the movie, do a little homework. Time for a little consciousness raising for mom and daughter. You can’t start too early, I say. Can’t start too soon.

Yours from Brooklyn,
OTBKB