I wrote this on December 27th 2004. Last year, we were, as usual, in California for Christmas. What a different kind of Christmas that was.

I cried four times today. FOUR

The first outbreak occurred while reading an e-mail from a friend after breakfast:

"I
got the BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER…a NEW NIECE!!! I am madly in love
already and they had to pry her out of my hands at about 2 am last
night…My son said, ‘I can’t wipe the smile off of my face!’ That
about says it all…"

The thought of all the loss and
sadness my friend, whose firefighter husband died on 9/11, has endured made her joyful
announcement all the more poignant.

The teariness was also
connected to the fact that will be getting a new niece
in the months to come when my sister and brother-in-law bring their baby
girl home from Russia. It’s been a waiting game but the waiting should
soon come to an end. They are expecting a referral in mid-January and
will be flying off to Perm soon after.

I cried later in the day when I learned about the earthquake and Pacific
Tsunami that killed 25,000 people, a third of them children (note: the number would, of course, rise. This was written on December 27th 2004).

This cruel
and sudden act of nature, unthinkable in all its brutality, is said to
be one of the worst natural disasters in recent history. And all those
children.

There were more tears when I read a comment
on my sister’s blog, Mamainwaiting, from Udge, in response to a wistful post called "Happy
Chrismakah:

"For what it’s
worth, most self-describing Christians have no more connection to the
original meaning and symbolism of Christmas than you experienced. I
think one could rename it "Solstice Festival" without any major loss of
meaning.

Such meaning as there still is in Christmas, is
contained in the rituals of being kind to and thoughtful of each other,
of showing generosity and tolerance, of recognizing and indulging in
the (over-)abundance of our physical world.

Few religions require more than that.

Happy Chrismakah to you and yours, and may your next Chrismakah be as a threesome."

I appreciated Udge’s spiritual reflections. But I was really touched by
his wish that my sister’s next Chrismakah be as a threesome. I had to sit still for a few moments to savor that one – and
just let the tears fall.

The final flood occurred at the
multiplex during "Spanlish," the fun new Jim Brooks movie with
Tea Leoni and Adam Sandler. Sandler portrays a sensitive, loving
father. It was during the scene toward the end where Sandler tells his teenage
daughter how much he loves her…

I really lost it that time. Sandler is incredible, as is the girl who plays his daughter. 

It was that kind of day. A day full of tears: for new life, inexplicable death, tears of appreciation and tears of love.

That kind of day.