A friend called with angst about her teenager. She was told that I’d have a good, non-judgmental take on it. 

I wish I did. Part of me wanted to say: fasten your seat belt and get ready for a long, bumpy ride.

Frankly,I barely knew what to say. No answers. No sure-fire solutions.

I remember how scary it was back when my son was in 9th grade: the fears and anticipatory anxiety were running rampant. 

Turns out we didn’t have that much to worry about at that stage. But the anxiety was there: Is he drinking? Is he doing drugs? Sex? Running around the city. Will he get hurt?

My friend’s son, a 9th grader, seems to have jumped into the swimming pool of adolescence rebellion with great abandon She just hopes he can swim…

It’s scary to watch and they’re hard to control. You have to be a hard ass and accept that your kid isn’t going to like you very much for the next few years.

It’s tough being the parent of a teen. There is some grieving for the loss of the adorable child your teenager used to be. There’s also the awe and astonishment at the wonderful person your child has become. But there’s  also anger and disappointment that the relationship isn’t what it used to be.

My son seems to want to be with his friends constantly and has little interest in being around us. I know that’s completely normal. But it still feels pretty awful.

How did this happen? I never expected my kid to rebel against me. Against me of all people? I’m still a teenager myself. Aren’t I? Can’t he see that?

Nah, to him I’m a 50-year-old mom with conventional ideas and a judgmental, one-track mind about school and college. B-o-r-i-n-g as far as he’s concerned.

So there’s grief and fear and confusion and more fear.

I told my friend to take one day at a time and try to be as attentive as possible. It’s important to know where he is and what he’s doing (ha: it’s 1 am and I have only the vaguest idea where my kid is).

Somewhere in Bushwick at a show…

There’s no shame in calling them every few hours or insisting that they call you when they arrive at a friend’s house or an event. Talking to the parents of their friends is a good way to share information…

Every day that you keep a good eye on them you’re one day closer to the day when they’ll have more sense and maturity.

I’m counting the days.

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