When Sad and Scary Things Happen: How To Talk To The Children

I saw this on Park Slope Parents this morning. It was written by Susan Fox, who is the founder of that parenting list-serve. She lives in the building on 12th Street where Henryk Sebor, a 42-year-old construction worker, died after the scaffolding he was standing on collapsed and he fell four stories.

Yesterday there was an fatal accident at our building (12th Street between
7th and 8t street). Scaffolding broke and a workman fell to his death. I
heard from a number of people in the neighborhood who were with kids and saw
the confusion who were not in my building so I wanted to send out the
message about helping kids cope with the situation that I sent to my
building email group.

– – – – – –
Given the accident yesterday I have emailed a few professionals about
different approaches to take in talking to kids about it.  I received this
response this morning from a Nancy Workman, a therapist/counselor I know who
helps us with Park Slope Parents issues:

"Share the basic facts and validate how tragic, sad and perhaps scary it
was. Not a time to cheer them up or cover it over, but just to share in the
grief.  Kids often have their own way of resolving things, or moving on to
other feelings, but regardless, just following their lead in terms of
information and questions.  Younger kids may not have to know the facts, but
they may hear from the older ones anyway, in which case better to tell them
the basics. Perspective is helpful, too–you can talk about how unusual it
is for this to happen and most of the time scaffolding is safe.

If it's someone they knew, maybe they can help memorialize, or contribute to
the family, or something–but still, it's a time to sit with those feelings
a bit."

I have a few other requests for help out there and will post anything else I
receive.  If you have any other good advice please feel free to share.