be an adult in Park Slope without tolerating my kids" crowd, according to local psychologist and blogger, Peter Loffredo.
Note: This should be no means be taken as a bad review of Provini. The restaurant is beautiful; the wine list is superlative and the food is, I am told, wonderful. The following is just one man's experience one night at the restaurant. Keep that in mind. I am interested to know what time he was eating there? It is very likely that he was there on the early side. One hopes.
little Italian restaurant with the wonderful wine list that opened this
summer on 8th Avenue has been infiltrated by the "You'll never get to
be an adult in Park Slope without tolerating my kids" crowd.
God,
they're like ants on Fire Island! Even the wait staff and manager at
the restaurant were chagrinned this past weekend when the needy, greedy
narcissists arrived back from their summering to ruin what was evolving
into a peaceful haven for grown-ups who have enough of a life to leave
their kids at home when they want a dinner at what is clearly an
adults-only kind of place.
Provini deliberately doesn't have high
chairs, I was secretly told by a waitress, and there certainly isn't
any room for strollers, but the exquisite wine list alone should keep
kids out, don't you think? Not in Park Slope, where pathetic parents
don't want to live with the choices they've made, so they crash
everyone else's party. CRASH?! Yep. Everyone turned around to see the
glass breaking on the floor at the table with the toddlers.
The
waitresses were rolling their eyes at each other and looking sadly at
those of us who had become regulars this summer, knowing we would
probably not be coming back. But the glass breaking was just the finale
to a ruined dinner that had been accompanied by the screeching noise of
kids for the hour prior who, of course, didn't know what to do with
themselves in a low-lighting, low-noise fine-dining eatery for adults.
But if the parents in question really cared about what was appropriate
for their kids, they wouldn't have been there in the first place, now
would they? Ugh!
I recently saw a sign at a West Village restaurant that I thought might ease some of the strain put on Park Slope restaurant owners/servers: “We love your kids but we cannot accommodate strollers”. Since one cannot really shut out park Slope parents from “adult restaurants” and they themselves do not see anything wrong with bringing their babies and toddlers into very busy and loud restaurants/bars even late in the evening, this rule at least can raise the awareness that many children, specially on a weekend night, can make the dining experience for guests and employees rather difficult sometimes.
We went to Provini last night to celebrate our anniversary. The food was delicious and the service was great. One of the reasons I wanted to try it was because of the comments about it not being child friendly. A child free zone is just what I look for in a restaurant! Isn’t it okay to have places that don’t cater to kids? Does everything have to be focused on them? I don’t bring my wine to the playground. Why should you bring your kid to a small candlelit restaurant that specializes in wine and beer?? We live in the South Slope and were so pleased to have this lovely little restaurant in our area. One of the dishes was just like something we had in Florence last May. We’ll certainly be going back to Provini soon.
I forgot to mention that none of you noted that Provini opened up RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. And on several occasions the owner asked me what time school started and what time it ended as he was trying to set his schedule. And the business will not survive being open all day without attracting the 400-some families who pass by twice a day.
As a mother of two boys, I too can’t stand kids at adult restaurants, but going to Johnnie Mac’s and Two Boots is just too much for us. Even bringing our own kids to these places gives me a headache. I’m not sure why I am then labeled a narcissist for wanting to enjoy good food with my family when my children behave. I was going to head to Provini tonight to celebrate my 10 year old’s birthday…his choice. Since my children were little, we practiced proper restaurant behavior in the last booth at a diner…out of sight and sound of others. Now that my children are presentable (and they weren’t always), I find it my prerogative to bring them to a good meal in a nice environment that’s not screaming with mischief. And mind you, I’d never take them if we weren’t out their doors by 7pm so those paying for sitters…or not, can enjoy.
So, tonight, we’ll head to Provini and hopefully others will look at us the way your other reader looked upon the Japanese children and be shocked they are actually in Park Slope.
Peter, I’m not denying the self-absorption of some parents in the neighborhood, or how annoying these parents can be. But unless you are some sort of magnet attracting unusual amounts of clueless parents wherever you step, I think you are overstating the case, particularly concerning this neighborhood in relation to other communities in NYC and the suburbs. Park Slope hasn’t cornered the market on clueless parenting, however fun it is to think so.
Annoying people are everywhere, and the implements of their obnoxiousness numerous – personally I find them more hazardous when their narcissism is wielded in combination with bicycles or badly behaved dogs, but everyone’s pet peeves are different.
Also, I firmly believe many clueless parents do get a grip over time, developing as parents just as their children grow and grasp that the world is not all about them. I’ve seen it with friends and relatives (and me too, I admit) – all those new-parent fears and anxieties eventually settle down as both parent and child learn to be part of a larger community. (In other words, once their kid starts school, teachers and peers outline expectations for parents as well as the kid.)
Well, “parksloper,” I guess the state of our kids and child-rearing practices around here is not as interesting or valuable to you as knowing where or when the next flea market or new coffee shop opening up is, but the narcissism problem, which starts with parenting, is a pretty serious epidemic, of concern to some.
PL
When will this vitriol-fest — perpetrated by area bloggers lacking for content — ever end? Louise, it is disappointing that you can’t summon up anything more interesting to post.
Well, Petunia, I don’t think you’ve even heard me say one negative thing about children. I am a lifelong advocate for children, and I am a loving parent who kids of all ages really like. It’s parents you will find me railing about, parents who exploit their children by vicariously acting out their own childhood fantasies about what they imagine would have made them feel more elevated (i.e.- inflated their damaged egos). I will continue to hammer away at those parents who want their kids to fill a void in themselves that is not what their children are here to do. Sorry if that tweaks your sensibilities, but our kids are not here to be what we want them to be or what we felt we couldn’t be.
PL
“1. Do you think it is EVER appropriate for a family with young kids to eat out at a restaurant together?”
Sure… thats what outback steakhouse is for.
“Don’t want to live with the choices they’ve made? Interesting. You mean like the choice to go to a crowded restaurant in a neighborhood full of young parents and their children? ”
Wow, someone has it backward.
Parents can choose to go to restaurants with their kids, sure. But when they go to a restaurant expressly designed for adults, and bring their retarded kids, they take away the choices of others.
Some restaurants choose to be kid-friendly. Some don’t, and get patrons that want a sane meal.
The idiots who bring children to the wrong one are absolutely narcissists.
Peter Loffredo is right. Two Boots or La Villa? Fine. Provini or Al Di La? Leave the rugrats at home.
My wife and I were having a magnificent dinner at Chanterelle a few years ago, and the next table was occupied by a Japanese couple and their two children, who were maybe seven and nine years old. Their behavior was as impeccable as the food was terrific.
Perhaps all Park Slope kids (or maybe their parents) should be sent to Japan for some training.
I’m still waiting to hear Peter say one positive thing about any child, anywhere, forget Park Slope. I’d rather be in a room of screaming preschoolers than read any more of these tiresome, curmudgeonly tirades – we get that there are annoyingly permissive, self-absorbed parents in Park Slope, just like anywhere else. And of course it’s important for children to learn consideration for others. But they won’t learn this locked in their home, kept far away from anywhere Peter may choose to go.
The only reason other child-friendly communities like Maplewood don’t get these “children should be seen and not heard” martyred howls at the level we do is because kids there are shuttled in cars or shut tight in big houses, there are few restaurants of any sort to go to, and the only outdoor spaces that are open to the community are pools, ball fields and playgrounds, which someone like Peter can easily avoid. Livable streets mean living with others, and that’s a learned skill, for kids and adults alike.
Peter, please…I ate there at 8:30 last night. Not a child in sight. Please keep childless hours.
To Jim – La Villa is exactly the kind of place that’s great for kids, and a parent who isn’t narcissistic would be much more inclined, if they wanted to introduce a post-toddler child to the dining out experience, to go to that kind of place rather than a clearly adult-oriented restaurant. Kids, at each stage of their development, are naturally inclined to want to learn new skills and have new experiences. It’s unfortunate that adults, because of their own unmet emotional needs and their identifications, projections and transferences, force their desires for experiences onto their kids at inappropriate ages.
PL
I once saw this sign on the entrance door of a restaurant on Cape Cod: No one under 12 will be seated. No exceptions. This is not a family restaurant.
The first decent restaurant in Park Slope to implement a similar policy will do a land office business. Enough with the rugrats already!!
He doesn’t go back to a place because a glass breaks? What a loser. I’d rather eat in a place crawling with kids than someone who has yet to self-actualize himself into not being such an uptight dick.
Pathetic selfish imbeciles!!!!
Don’t want to live with the choices they’ve made? Interesting. You mean like the choice to go to a crowded restaurant in a neighborhood full of young parents and their children?
And the wait staff was annoyed? Well, there’s a wrinkle; An annoyed wait staff. This is a banner moment indeed.
Ah, the parents versus non-parent rivalry. Talk about searching around until you find something to be angry about. Upper-middle class outrage. Hilarious.
Hey Peter,
I hope you and Mary are great!? read about your comment on curbed.com.
I have a couple of questions for Peter –
1. Do you think it is EVER appropriate for a family with young kids to eat out at a restaurant together? Do you think it is bad parenting if parents decide that they want to get out of the house and have dinner? I agree that candle-lit, restaurants that cater to adults should be off limits, but what about a diner or a place like La Villa?
2. As a parent, how do (or did) you encourage your kids to get involved in things that they might not have wanted to at first, but you knew they would enjoy and might even contribute to their growth as well-rounded, happy, well adjusted kids. I’m thinking of sports specifically. I want to encourage my 5 year old to play soccer, but I don’t want to be overbearing about it.
Would you like to see the whine list?
huh. that DOES suck. i moved out of park slope when this kind of stuff became the rule rather than the exception. i moved to chinatown, where diners are voracious and creatures smaller than an adult look vaguely nervous. which brings to mind…
“A Modest Proposal” by Swift. i think that perhaps the global population trends and particularly those of the Slope suggest a careful reread of this treatise. perhaps all of these issues could be solved with one policy. something to think about.