Is it spring break already? Wasn’t winter break, like, two minutes
ago? Smartmom and OSFO just got back from Crystal Springs Spa in New
Jersey — and who has the money to spend on another vacation?

Even a one-day one in New Jersey!

Despite endless talk of dark economic times, Smartmom has heard about quite a few people going on vacation to exotic places.

How do people do it? Caribbean cruises? Beach resorts in Puerto Rico and Cancun? Quick jaunts to Paris with three children?

Is it those Frequent Flyer miles that Smartmom can never get her act
together about, or do other people just have money in Ponzi-proof
brokerage accounts that enable them give their children those great,
jealousy-provoking vacations?

Smartmom wishes she could give her kids that kind of life. It would
be nice to get out of Brooklyn every now and again so that they could
go to the real Grand Canyon instead of the hamburger joint on Seventh
Avenue. Or they could learn to speak more French than La Bagel Delight
(that is French, isn’t it?).

Heck, she wishes she could be even half as worldly as her friend,
Best and Oldest, who manages to spend many weeks every year in Europe
with her kids.

Smartmom and her twin, Diaper Diva, traveled extensively when they
were young. Her father was transferred to the London office of his
advertising agency when they were 4-years-old and the family took a
real ocean liner to and from England and lived in a duplex near
Kensington Gardens for six months.

Smartmom remembers trips to Buckingham Palace, the British Museum,
St. Paul’s Cathedral, Harrods and a wonderful toy store called
Henley’s. They even made friends with an adorable little English girl
named Emma.

Those kind of memories are indelible. You never forget playing
wedding with your sister at Canterbury Cathedral or reading “When We
Were Six” in a farm house in Scotland.

Sadly, trips to other parts of the world have not been part of Teen
Spirit and OSFO’s childhood repertoire. And that, no surprise, makes
Smartmom feel guilty. She wishes that she and her children were
citizens of the world; the kind of people, who effortlessly know their
way around the airports of the world; who’s passports are covered in
country stamps.

Truth be told, Teen Spirit and OSFO don’t even have passports. Which
isn’t to say that they’re a bunch of stick-in- the-muds. The family
does travel to Northern California to visit the family farm twice a
year, and Hepcat did take Teen Spirit on that amazing cross-country
road trip when he was 10. Highpoints included the Andy Warhol Museum in
Pittsburgh, the Gateway Arch in St. Louis, the Rocky Mountains and the
Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah.

But it’s just not Europe or Asia.

Sure, there have been plenty of good reasons for staying close to
home: Work commitments. Making money. Not making enough money.

Initially, the main reason they didn’t travel was because traveling
with young children isn’t all that fun. Smartmom knows that trying to
do grown-up sightseeing with kids under the age of say, 9, can be a
disaster. Hanging out in playgrounds in Greece or Italy isn’t the point
of a vacation.

If they wanted to do that, why leave the Third Street playground?

But Smartmom knows that where there’s a will — and imagination —
there’s a way. And Smartmom’s kids aren’t little anymore. Lately, she
has fantasized about getting Eurail passes and taking them to the great
cities of Europe. That’s what Hepcat’s mother did when he was a
teenager, and Hepcat and his sister had a great time. Hepcat still
remember the pain of the ingrown toenail he had when they were visiting
the Matisse Chapel in Provence.

OK, so now Smartmom is on board, but there’s one problem: money is
low and anxiety is high. Smartmom and Hepcat, both freelancers, aren’t
sure where that next freelance job is coming from.

So this year’s spring vacation is a staycation like many of the
others. OSFO already went with Diaper Diva and Ducky to “Dora the
Explorer Live! Search for the City of Lost Toys” at Radio City Music
Hall and there are plans to see the Ringling Brothers & Barnum and
Bailey Circus at Madison Square Garden. Maybe they should schedule a
day at the Metropolitan Museum to see the great art of the world.

It’s the next best thing to being there, even if it isn’t quite.