Discounting the Recession

Recession?  Don't even think
about it.  If notthinking's not your thing, though, you might consider
exploiting it.  Why not–plenty of merchants are doing that already:

Met Opera–half-price if you bring your own chair

Met Museum–free to everyone splashing out upwards of $75 in the gift shop

Movie theater–50% reduction for companion if both of you sit in the front row

Bowling alley–down six beers, choose your gratis lane

Employment agency–hired?  We'll pick up your subway tab.

Real estate agency–fee-back guarantee if house explodes or sinks.

Driving school–two students for the price of one when that one brings his/her own steering wheel

Grocery–yesterday's bread at day-before-yesterday's price

Gas–clean the car
windows of customers taking premium and changing oil

Shoemaker–three shoes fixed for the price of two

Pediatrician–twins count as one patient; triplets, one and a half

Family doctor: will pay you the minimum wage for time waited beyond three hours

Lawyer–first lawsuit free; second, standard price; failure to pay that, we sue you..

Divorce lawyer–group rates for polygamists

Bookshop–buy one Stephen King, next published within one year at 1/3 off, the following at 2/3 off; any King novel before year's end, no cost.

Computer–vow to post no smart aleck postings, 35 percent reduction

Theater–see first or second act of pricey musical free; if satisfied, pay full price for next Wednesday
matinee

Drugstore–all the aspirin you can heft, $5

Restaurant–bar/bat mitzvah reception free for anyone putting down a healthy deposit for kid's wedding

Car dealership–Take it, take it.