I just found out about a new Park Slope blog called Blognigger and its author has written, Nobody Calls My Mom a Slut But Me, one of the best responses to the now infamous New York Times’ article about Slope hating, Where is the Love.

Blognigger describes himself this way: Black every day for 32 years; never a nigger until Wall Street moved to Brooklyn. On his first post in April 2008, he wrote:

I’m a 32 year-old Software Engineer. I grew up in Manhattan, went to a ritzy private school with 95% white kids where I was the token African American black kid.

Now
I make $106,000 a year, and I’m a pauper in Park Slope. No, literally –
we have to leave. I have two kids and my rent has just been raised to
$3500 a month. I’ve lived here since 1999 (when 5th avenue was still a
total shithole), and now I’m going to have to uproot my family and move
out of Brooklyn.

Can I ask you a fucking question?

How can I be making $106,000 a year and not be able to afford to live in Brooklyn?

It
works like this: "Cool" people such as my wife and I, with my interests
in Almodovar and Jonathan Lethem and Apple’s HUIG and and Interpol and
Spinal Tap and KrsOne and boingboing and Fark and AphexTwin and Groovy
on Grails and Bob Ross and Glengarry Glen Ross and Jorn… we move into
a neighborhood just before it’s safe and desireable. We take "sketchy"
walks to the subway (yes, just because I’m black, it’s still sketchy –
maybe they can smell the whiteness within me) and we deal with not
being able to buy tapas on ever corner until the rest of the
neighborhood catches up.

His response to the Times’ article is among the best I’ve read:

Because really and truly, the kids own the neighborhood. Now, for me
and people like me, it’s fantastic, because we have to bring our kids
everywhere we go: to Barnes and Noble, to Two Boots, to a skinny
bookshop with no room in the doorway where our strollers take up all
the goddamn area and piss single people off…

..but the bottom
line is that if you don’t have kids, you’ll probably hate Park Slope.
And I can’t blame you at all – unless you actually live here, in which
case you’re a stupid muthafucka because who the hell would subject
themselves to this shithole if they don’t have kids? Aren’t you tired
of having your meals at Blue Ribbon ruined by screaming babies? Aren’t
you tired of having strollers bang into you when you sit curbside
witcha eggs benedict? Even the goddamn library has kids stickin Kasha
granola bars and shit all over the bookshelves. (Actually, do we have a
library? too lazy to google.)

So kidless: what the hell are you
doing here? Who the fuck joins a leper colony if they ain’t a leper? I
know if I didn’t have kids, I’d be outta here faster than you can say
angry lesbian. (Where did they all go, right?? Anyone remember 2003 up
in this muthafucka?!) Shit, I piss myself off and I *have* the little bastids.

So,
someone who hates park slope is kind of like someone who didn’t like
the movie "Junior" – which is a movie about Arnold Schwartzenegger
getting pregnant. It’s like, nigga you went to see a movie about Arnold
Schwartzenegger getting pregnant! The fuck did you expect?? That there
is the best movie that could ever be made about Arnold getting
pregnant, and if you walked into the theater then you asked for it and
we got no sympathy.

If you’re going to be pissed off by a
kid-obsessed neighborhood – and I can understand that it can be
enraging if you don’t have kids – then don’t even come to Dizzy’s, let
alone buy a house here and push my kid-havin ass outta the 321 district.

Blognigger, welcome to the neighborhood. You can bet I’ll be reading.