Here’s this week’s Smartmom from the Brooklyn Paper:
Smartmom ran into Painter Mom at Starbucks on Seventh Avenue. While waiting for their lattes, they struck up a conversation.
“I’m not ready for this,” Painter Mom said, and for some reason Smartmom knew exactly what she meant — the holidays.
Painter Mom told Smartmom that back when her kids were little and she wasn’t working, she made a big, big deal of Christmas. The Martha Stewart tree. The twinkling lights. The cakes and pies on a table set with festive fabrics and candles. A real winter wonderland in their Park Slope brownstone.
“Now I’m stuck,” Painter Mom said. “The kids expect it.”
Painter Mom is busy now. She spends her days in her studio preparing for exhibitions, and her kids are now busy teenagers. Smartmom wondered, is it possible to modify some of their expectations about Christmas?
Naomi Village: In the heart of the Poconos
Then again, that could be tough. It would probably make them sad to go without. It might make them feel like the world is a cold, dark place without the light of their mother’s Christmas.
The conversation with Painter Mom made Smartmom think about Hepcat’s mother, Artsy Grandma, who has always created a picture perfect Christmas on the farm in Northern California, just like her mother did before her, complete with handmade ornaments, Advent calendars, Mexican crèches, mulled cider on the stove and almond roca.
It’s a labor-intensive affair. Artsy Grandma is up all night on Christmas Eve putting the final touches on her adult children’s stockings. She thought that if she didn’t do it, her children would be disappointed. And it would be disappointing because it’s so wonderful. But disappointment happens.
In recent years, Smartmom could tell that Hepcat’s mom was exhausted at Christmas time and that she had all kinds of other interesting and creative projects going on.
Christmas fantasy was starting to get in the way of her real life.
Two years ago, Smartmom and Hepcat decided to celebrate the holidays in Brooklyn instead of going out to California. It was the first Christmas that Hepcat didn’t spend at home. Ever.
He thought it would break his mother’s heart. He thought he might fall apart. Neither happened. To everyone’s surprise, Artsy Grandma and her daughter celebrated Christmas in San Francisco.
“We were like Jews,” she told Smartmom. “We went to the movies and had Chinese food. It was fun.”
Smartmom felt a surge of love and respect for Artsy Grandma, who had enjoyed the break with tradition by coming up with a creative alternative.
Surprising things happen when you break with tradition. It can be scary. It can be sad. It can feel lonely to go without one’s treasured rituals. But it can also be liberating and fun.
In Brooklyn, Smartmom and her interfaith family struggled to figure out how to celebrate the holidays in a meaningful way.
They spent Christmas Eve with Groovy Grandpa and Mima Cat; Hepcat made a tasty roast leg of lamb.
They had a lox and and bagel brunch with her Jewish relatives on Christmas day and then went out to see “Godzilla” at the Pavilion. They threw a party for the friends they never get to see during the year and had it catered by Hunan Delight.
They spent New Year’s Eve at the Liberty Heights Tap Room listening to Teen Spirit’s band, Cool and Unusual Punishment.
How was it? It was complicated. Hepcat was a bit blue. Smartmom felt a little guilty and very tired. Teen Spirit and the Oh So Feisty One seemed to enjoy being home. They talked about California a lot and what they were missing, but they also enjoyed this new flavor of Christmas.
Standing in Starbucks surrounded by shelves of Christmas merchandise, Smartmom wondered what she could do to reduce her holiday dread this year.
The family could do one holiday rather than two (Christmas or Hanukkah: pick one). They could skip the presents altogether (that’ll go over like a lead latke. OSFO has already posted her wish list on her bedroom door). They could skip the tree (sounds good) and skip the menorah (but the candles look so pretty…).
For a moment, Smartmom felt just as overwhelmed as Painter Mom. But then she had an idea: she should have a long talk with Hepcat, Teen Spirit and OSFO about realistic expectations and figure out what to do. Together.
Now that would be a Kodak moment.
