Mom After-hours had this to say to the woman who asked, “Have I Become a Frump” on Park Slope Parents. “Lose the Lands End catalog. Subscribe to Lucky instead,’ she wrote on her blog. Here’s some more of what she had to say. Read more here.
It drives me up the wall whenever I read about the plight of women like her. Women who are so dedicated to being good mothers, good caregivers, and good partners they end up neglecting who they are. Since when did being a mother come to mean a life of self-denial? Since when did motherhood mean getting rid of stilettos and wearing in their stead, dare I say it, Birkenstocks? As if to be taken seriously as a mom, one has to look, in her words, frumpy. I am not that far in age from this woman; in a year and a half, I too will reach that half-century mark. But I have told my children and husband that if at any time they catch me about to put on a tracksuit (and I don’t jog), they should feel free to shoot me on the spot. This is not about vanity or selfishness. Only about self-love. I don’t buy the argument women frequently make, “I don’t have time”. That’s a lie often said by people who are really too lazy to use their imagination. We all have the time. We can all make the time. That is, if you really want to. Here’s a suggestion: lose the Lands End catalogue. Subscribe to Lucky instead!
Applause! Applause! For “Mom After-Hours.” Yes! Yes! You are so right! Parents of either sex who are truly “dedicated to being good caregivers, and good partners” do not engage in the lazy lie of “self-denial.” What do I mean by “lazy?” I mean emotionally and mentally lazy. One can be extremely busy with tasks and chores and self-sacrificing activities and yet lack the courage and determination to be truly self-loving, which requires the continual challenge of self-reflection and self-revelation. These days, a man or woman of 50 years should be at the peak of their mental, physical and sensual powers.
PLEASE consider this parents: What does a child learn who observes parents sacrificing themselves at every turn to be slaves to their children? This: That it is far better to be a kid! Why would a child in such a home ever want to grow up? To become a slave to a child one day themselves? On the other hand, what does a child learn from parents who are fulfilled as adults, enjoying a creative work life, a romantic and passionate love life, good health and maintenance? They learn that growing up is cool, something worth giving up the regressive urges of dependency for, a real motivation for autonomy and maturity.
You go, Mom After-Hours! And Alison, I do agree, the painful heels aren’t a requirement for looking good. I know some pretty hot mamas who wear Birkenstocks!
Why should “frump” have to wear stilettos? Those instruments of torture that damage the feet? This sounds like the What Not To Wear show, the first thing they do is make the poor woman wear heels. Here’s to flat shoes!