I thought this was a very interesting exchange between two OTBKB readers. One happens to be my dear sister, Diaper Diva (AKA Caroline Ghertler).
“Here’s a very educated guess (as both a parent and psychotherapist in Park Slope): if you’re using “taking care of kids and trying to do your own work” as an excuse for finding “very little time for self-care,” chances are you’re also neglecting your love/sex life as well. Truth is, nothing will get rid of that frumpiness like some romance and passion, and the even better news is nothing is better for kids than having a couple of adults in their lives who are fulfilled in the love-Eros-sex departments. For the emotional health and well-being of your kids, and for a real make-over that counts, get a babysitter and get a life!”
Posted by: Peter Loffredo | Apr 4, 2007 12:37:23 PM
“good advice. but perhaps it could be said in a gentler fashion? ouch.”
Posted by: caroline ghertler | Apr 4, 2007 12:41:35 PM
“You’re right, Caroline. I could have been gentler. Sorry. I tend to be very… passionate… about this subject. Too many adults think being a good parent means neglecting themselves, and in particular, neglecting the Eros side of the married-with-children equation, and that is absolutely the worse thing for the kids. Nonetheless, I will try to better mind my bedside manners.”
Okay, for all of you Hot Mamas who are masquerading as frumps, go to this website and play the song dedicated to you:
http://play.rhapsody.com/traceadkins/cominonstrong/hotmama?didAutoplayBounce=true
I’m usually the first to think a man is being creepy, but I didn’t get that from this exchange. Failing to make any effort to take care of yourself isn’t sexy. All you Park Slope Parents, stop complaining about your sexless marriages (and I’ve heard it too many times) if you can’t be bothered to attend to basic personal hygiene and to wear clothes that fit and are reasonably flattering. That goes for men too — don’t sit on the couch all weekend in your boxers and stained tee-shirt, burping at the TV screen, and complain that your wife isn’t interested in sex anymore. And I totally applaud the woman who wants to stop being frumpy.
That parent and psychotherapist doesn’t sound like anyone I’d want to know! The woman wishing to banish her frumpiness put her heart out there and then that Peter Loffredo smacked it down with his creepy Eros talk. Good for you, Smart Mom, for applauding her honesty. And good for you Diaper Diva, for gently chiding him. We frumps — both former and current, young and old, men and women (because “frump” goes across all lines of race, class, gender, orientation and time) — need to help each other.
Don’t look down on a sister unless you’re helping her up!
I’m sorry. I come from a long line of people who’ve been made to feel frumpy. I’ll get off my soapbox now.