FROM THE NY TIMES: James Brown, the dynamic, pompadoured ”Godfather of Soul,” whose
rasping vocals and revolutionary rhythms made him a founder of rap,
funk and disco as well, died early Monday, his agent said. He was 73.

Brown
was hospitalized with pneumonia at Emory Crawford Long Hospital on
Sunday and died around 1:45 a.m. Monday, said his agent, Frank Copsidas
of Intrigue Music. Longtime friend Charles Bobbit was by his side, he
said.

Copsidas said the cause of death was uncertain. ”We really don’t know at this point what he died of,” he said.

The gift-giving time of the year sometimes brings out the worst in OSFO and Teen Spirit. The trouble is: they get way too excited about getting presents, their expectations run sky high, and disappointment is sure to ensue.

Like all happy occasions, a gift giving event often begins or ends in tears.  They can be tears of impatience as in:
Child: When are we opening the presents?
Parent: Soon.
Child: Can I just open one?
Parent: No!!
Child:  Pleeeeeze? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Or tears of over-excitement and frustration as in:
Child: Can we please put together my new Karaoke tape player and microphone?
Parent: No, people are still opening their gifts.
Child: Couldn’t you just help me?
Parent: Not now!!
Child: Pleeeeeze? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Tears of disappointment as in:
Child: I didn’t get anything I liked.
Parent; Yes you did.
Child: Like what?
Parent: Well, you got that nice…
Child: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

And tears caused by a  combination of excitement and disappointment and impatience as in:
Child: It’s not working
Parent: "I’m sure it’s working.
Child: No, it’s not working, somebody better fix it now.
Parent: I’m doing the dishes.
Child: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

You get the picture. While these are obviously just made-up scenarios, there is more than a little  verisimilitude in each one. And these scenes make Smartmom absolutely livid.

This year, Smartmom tried to prepare OSFO for the possibility that she might be disappointed on one of these so-called happy occasions. "Sometimes you don’t get what you want," she said. "And it helps not to set your expectations too high. Smartmom and OSFO have also practiced the art of getting a gift you don’t like." It is polite,"  Smartmom instructed,  "to say ‘thank you’ even if you despise the item that you’ve just opened."

Smartmom and OSFO practiced this until OSFO got sick and tired of the exercise (and the idea that she might get something she doesn’t want).

Smartmom also told OSFO to guard against becoming a gimme, gimme, gimme kind of person. "Children who get too many gifts get spoiled because they stop appreciating things," Smartmom warned. "It is important not to take anything for granted," she said. "Recognize how lucky you are to have what you have."

Smartmom was just seconds away from saying, "And there are children starving in Africa…"

Truth is, the fact that OSFO and Teen Spirit are "spoiled" is largely the fault of their loving relatives (parents included) who shower them with whatever their heart’s desire. It comes from love but it often ends in "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! And that’s just part of the problem. Capitalism absolutely depends on an almost constant desire for things. 

So here goes New Year’s resolution #2005:

Smartmom will teach her children to be givers not receivers. She wants them to be generous, to be empathic, to enjoy  doing unto others (in whatever form that takes).  She wants them to know that giving is its own reward and Karma is a boomerang. She wants them to understand that if they are going to be good citizens of this crazy world, they have to be part of the solution not the problem.

Cliche, cliche, cliche. But it’s all true. And so much of parenting is instilling what is true. Even if they are platitudes, even if they are cliches. It’s important to try to give your kids the gift of good values. That’s a parent’s job above all. A gift they will cherish forever.

–Written December 2004

It has been said and said — there is a war on and Americans shop for Christmas. This disconnect between here and there – there being Iraq, where a war is being waged in our name and here where we are privileged to commune with friends and family.

The disconnect. I lived through the Viet Nam war. As a child I was baffled that life could go on as usual while such terrible things were on the television news.

As an adult, I accept the split screen state of life. Every moment there is the time and place we are in, AND the excruciatingly terrible things going on elsewhere in the world.

Our daily lives consume us. We live in a state of forgetfulness — very me-centered, family-centered, community centered.

And then we see a photograph or read an article or see a movie — and our connection to others is awakened. Our empathy aroused.

Integration. How do we integrate our lives: the knowledge of such pain and cruelty right around the corner and across the world.

How do we not succumb to guilt and dispair?

LOVE: we must work to reduce the pain of others.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that the real Park Slope list to be on is the list of people who were NOT included on the Park Slope More Than 100.

Here’s some post-mortem thoughts…

I worked hard on that list and I don’t regret it one bit (“She’s very thick skinned,” they say on the Brooklynian).

Some liked it (“I was very moved that you included…”)

Some hated it (“You elitest so and so.”).

Many of the people on the list felt recognized. Felt noticed. Felt appreciated. (“I am a fixture around here,” said Hillary, the blue haired woman at Shawn’s Liquors). Catherine at Community Books and Maxine at Stitch Therapy said it gave them a boost during this most difficult time of the year.

Good friend composer, Louis Rosen finally told me, point blank, that he didn’t like it (“It’s so Manhattan, so obnoxious.”) I love him anyway.

Of course I am going to do it again. I just know it.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in Manhattan. Yesterday saw paintings by Alex Katz of his wife, Ada at the Jewish Musuem. There was also a show of Comics, that is a must-see for all comic book lovers.

My mom lives in the Zabars-Fairway-Citarella vortex on the Upper West Side. My walks up Broadway from the 72nd Street subway station have been a feast to my senses.

Booksellers, vendors of all kinds. Sephora, Barneys, Urban Outfitters. It’s a cool shopping mall on Broadway between 72nd Street and 79th.

Style and energy – whether it’s the upscale or the beggers. Life throbs up here big time.

I love the old style Broadway stuff, too. Like the Cuban Chinese on the corner of 78th Street and Zabars, which is timeless and tasty.

I compare it to Seventh Avenue and recognize that Broadway is just so much bigger. The buildings, the streets, the expanse from one side of Broadway to the other, the island in between, the level of commerce, the hustle bustle, the self-importance of it, the money…

My eyes and ears are contantly taking it in. Broadway: this exciting walk of life.

From the Brooklyn Papers (brooklynpapers.com)

Smartmom thinks that slumber parties for children under the age of 35 should be banned. Why would any parent want to sacrifice his or her sleep and sanity for an all-night gathering of pre-teen girls?

A couple of weeks back, Divorce Diva asked Smartmom if she’d be willing to help out during her 10-year-old’s slumber birthday party.

“It’ll be eight girls in all. Her private school requires that you either invite the entire class, all the girls, or only one child,” Divorce Diva explained.

Eight girls. That seemed a tad excessive. Smartmom, who has never hosted a slumber party for either Teen Spirit or the Oh So Feisty One, knows from anecdotal evidence that slumber parties are generally a bad idea. And if you must do it, keep it small.

Smartmom considered hanging up the phone and leaving it off the hook for at least 16 hours. But Divorce Diva could barely conceal her desperation.

“I NEED YOU,” she cried into the phone.

So, being the gullible, good-natured friend that she is, Smartmom relented.

Besides, OSFO was an invited guest and Smartmom thought it would be fun to be a fly on the wall — and a chance to hang out with her friend.

The girls were in their pajamas when Smartmom and OSFO arrived at Divorce Diva’s house in Ditmas Park at 6 pm. And because it was an American Girl slumber party, the dolls were in their pajamas, too.

The first activity, a video talk show, went well. The birthday girl interviewed all of the American Girl dolls, including the eight dolls that belonged to the birthday girl.

That’s 15 dolls and 15 interviews.

“So, who is your favorite person in the world?” the birthday girl asked Felicity, OSFO’s Revolutionary War era doll, who was dressed in a hot pink bathrobe.

“OSFO, of course,” OSFO answered in her doll’s voice.

After the talk show, the girls went upstairs to watch the video while Smartmom and Divorce Diva set up the Chinese food on the special party plates, as well as doll-sized plates for the dolls.

Some of the girls (not to mention the dolls) were picky eaters:

“I’ll just have miniature corn and water chestnuts,” one girl said. Smartmom groaned as she fished out the miniature corn and water chestnuts of one of the dishes.

“I don’t eat meat or seafood,” another girl said. Smartmom offered her a plate of Chinese broccoli. “I don’t eat green food either.”

When it was time for beverages, the girls screamed for root beer, orange soda or Sierra Mist, while holding up doll sized cups for their American Girl dolls.

Smartmom thought she might lose her mind. Instead, she served the girls — and the dolls — the soda they wanted and poured herself a tall glass of Trader Joe’s Merlot. Then a fight broke out between two highly hyperactive girls.

“You pig,” one girl said. “Haven’t you ever heard of a fork?” The other girl looked ready to cry. Instead she threw shoes. American Girl doll shoes, of course.

After the meltdown, er, dinner, the girls decided to play with their dolls in the birthday girl’s tiny third-floor bedroom. Like Sherpas, Divorce Diva and Smartmom carried 15 dolls and all manner of doll furniture, horse stables, wheelbarrows, and armoires filled with doll clothing to the bedroom upstairs.

Ready for a nap, Smartmom lay down on the couch while Divorce Diva got out the Harvey’s Bristol Cream and poured them each a glass. Yum (especially after Merlot).

Next up: beauty makeovers and a movie. Following a heated argument, the birthday girl got her way and the girls watched “Meet the Fockers” while applying mascara, eye shadow and rouge to the faces of girls and dolls alike.

All was quiet until one girl came screaming downstairs: “I just got the make-up today and now it’s ruined.”

Divorce Diva did her best to console the girl. “It’s really not that bad,” she purred while another child made it look like new again.

To no avail. The indignity of someone messing with her make-up kit was just too much. Soon the girl succumbed to a bout of acute homesickness that necessitated a call home.

When there was no answer, she tried her mother’s cellphone and left a pleading message.

“Can I have another glass of Merlot?” Smartmom asked pleadingly of Divorce Diva who was quick to oblige.

While they waited for a call from homesick girl’s mom (it never came, by the way), the girl pined for her beloved family dog, who died five years ago.

“I’ll never feel the soft fur of my dog ever again,” she said standing at the window staring at the stars like a Shakespearean heroine.

At midnight, Shoe Thrower, who has ADHD, came downstairs. “I can’t settle down,” she told them. “They’re making too much noise.”

Divorce Diva called the girl’s mother for advice. “Separate her from the other girls,” Shoe Thrower’s mom suggested, so the girl was sequestered in Divorce Diva’s comfortable bedroom in front of the TV.

The rest of the girls didn’t settle down quite so easily. They arranged and rearranged their sleeping bags — and the dolls’ sleeping bags — in the family room. Smartmom could tell they were planning for a long night.

“I’m not tired at all!” one girl said. “Neither am I,” OSFO chimed in.

Smartmom rolled her eyes. Even those who were obviously tired didn’t want to seem like wusses for going to sleep.

Everyone knows, you get a badge of honor if you stay up later than anyone else.

Smartmom retired to the guest room at 1 am hoping that it might inspire the girls to think about sleeping. But no such luck. At one point, a sleepy OSFO came into Smartmom’s solitary sanctuary.

“Would you like to sleep in here?” Smartmom said fearfully, pointing to the cozy, single bed. OSFO said no. Phew.

“Do you want to go home?”

“Nah, I want the goody bag,” she said and scurried out.

While Smartmom slept fitfully, there was noise, crying, and carrying. At 3:30 am. Smartmom heard Divorce Diva desperately telling the girls, “I can’t take it anymore. I need some rest.”

In the morning, Smartmom found Divorce Diva throwing toaster waffles on the table and waiting for the girl’s parents to arrive.

The girls needed help finding their things and packing up.

“I can’t find Piggy,” one girl came running down the stairs in an obvious panic. Eight girls, 15 dolls and two moms searched the house high and low for a tiny pink stuffed animal.

Thankfully, Piggy was located, the girls ate breakfast, and their parents arrived just in the nick of time. Divorce Diva put on a good show.

It was lively, she told them. Never a dull moment. One by one, she handed the parents their child’s rolling suitcase and goody bag.

“You know, your daughter’s doll was incredibly well-behaved,” Divorce Diva told one dad. “She’s always welcome here,” she said handing him a beautifully coiffed Molly. “She can sleep over here anytime. Anytime.”

I came upon a November issue of the Times and found this interesting and enjoyable Op Ed essay by our neighborhood author, Jonathan Safran Foer. He is a dog lover and strong supporter of off-leash hours.

“She mounts guests, eats my son’s toys (and occasionally tries to eat my son), is obsessed with squirrels, lunges at skateboarders and Hasids, has the savant-like ability to find her way between the camera lens and subject of every photo taken in her vicinity, backs her tush into the least interested person in the room, digs up the freshly planted, scratches the newly bought, licks the about-to-be served and occasionally relieves herself on the wrong side of the front door. Her head is resting on my foot as I type this. I love her.

The practical arguments against off-leash hours are easily refuted. One doesn’t have to be an animal scientist to know that the more a dog is able to exercise its “dogness”— to run and play, to socialize with other dogs — the happier it will be. Happy dogs, like happy people, tend not to be aggressive. In the years that dogs have been allowed to run free in city parks, dog bites have decreased 90 percent. But there is another argument that is not so easy to respond to: some people just don’t want to be inconvenienced by dogs. Giving dogs space necessarily takes away space from humans.

We have been having this latter debate, in different forms, for ages. Again and again we are confronted with the reality — some might say the problem — of sharing our space with other living things, be they dogs, trees, fish or penguins. Dogs in the park are a present example of something that is often too abstracted or far away to gain our consideration.

The very existence of parks is a response to this debate: earlier New Yorkers had the foresight to recognize that if we did not carve out places for nature in our cities, there would be no nature. It was recently estimated that Central Park’s real estate would be worth more than $500 billion. Which is to say we are half a trillion dollars inconvenienced by trees and grass. But we do not think of it as an inconvenience. We think of it as balance.

Living on a planet of fixed size requires compromise, and while we are the only party capable of negotiating, we are not the only party at the table. We’ve never claimed more, and we’ve never had less. There has never been less clean air or water, fewer fish or mature trees. If we are not simply ignoring the situation, we keep hoping for (and expecting) a technological solution that will erase our destruction, while allowing us to continue to live without compromise. Maybe zoos will be an adequate replacement for wild animals in natural habitats. Maybe we will be able to recreate the Amazon somewhere else. Maybe one day we will be able to genetically engineer dogs that do not wish to run free. Maybe. But will those futures make us feel, in the best sense of the word, human?

I have been taking George to Prospect Park twice a day for more than three years, but her running is still a revelation to me. Effortlessly, joyfully, she runs quite a bit faster than the fastest human on the planet. And faster, I’ve come to realize, than the other dogs in the park. George might well be the fastest land animal in Brooklyn. Once or twice every morning, for no obvious reason, she’ll tear into a full sprint. Other dog owners can’t help but watch her. Every now and then someone will cheer her on. It is something to behold.”

NPR is running a series called THE LONG VIEW, stories about older Americans with interesting stories to share. Friday morning there was a piece about Lillian Ross. She has been a New Yorker writer since 1948 and has worked for all five editors since the magazine’s beginning.  Her work
has been compiled in Talk Stories (1966), Takes (1983) and Reporting (1964).  There is an excerpt from her profile of Ernest Hemingway on npr.org, as well as a link to the radio interview.

Ross’
profiles of famous people include rich details that bring the subject
alive on the page. Ernest Hemingway liked to talk in broken English.
During a conversation at dusk, Hollywood director John Huston
deliberately left off the lights as if arranging a shot in his own film
noir.

Ross began an article on Charlie Chaplin by describing him in the Plaza hotel, fretting over some soiled laundry.

"That’s
what he was," said Ross. "He was uneasy, uncomfortable in social
situations. He didn’t walk around with money. Using all these little
minute details really revealed the person."

My uncle called from California. He read my blog and enjoyed the piece about Travis Ruse. "I didn’t know there was a transit strike in New York," he said. "There isn’t," I said. "But on your blog…"

That was last year. It was one of those last year on OTBKB. It was a year ago this week.

From Develop Don’t Destroy Brooklyn; you can help them continue the fight by contributing to their legal fund here.

PACB, ignoring tidal wave of criticism, votes to approve “Atlantic Yards” Surprise Ending? Nope,
more Politics-as-Usual in Albany Your financial support is more
important than ever. Despite a swirl of conflicting news reports over
the past couple of days (“Atlantic Yards Vote Delayed,” “Atlantic Yards
May Get Nod This Week,” “Brooklyn Arena OK,” and so on), the deal that
was fixed from the day it was announced received approval today from
the Public Authorities Control Board, the unaccountable state panel
controlled by the Governor, the Senate Majority Leader and the Assembly
Speaker.

Widespread opposition ignored The Speaker, Sheldon
Silver, widely considered the wild card in the vote, chose to ignore
the urging of Assemblyman-elect Hakeem Jeffries, in whose district the
project is planned, and Assemblymembers Jim Brennan, Joan Millman and
Annette Robinson, whose districts surround the project site, to
postpone the vote. Representative democracy, this is not. The
Assemblymembers were far from alone in calling the project unready for
approval. City Councilmember Letitia James and State Senator Velmanette
Montgomery – who represent the project area in their respective
elective bodies – have opposed the “Atlantic Yards” from its inception.
State Senator-elect Eric Adams has expressed numerous concerns, and
called for a security review. In addition, a steady parade of local
civic and neighborhood organizations, and regional and national
good-government and advocacy groups, had joined DDDB in calling for
postponement of the PACB vote.

Help fund the legal fight today

One friend thinks her friends and fellow Slopers are in a good mood because of the elections. "I’ve never been invited to so many parties."

Do you think people are in a good mood because of that?

One friend, preparing to go to Europe for the week, said that she is so stressed out she can barely function. "I can’t keep anything in my mind. My memory is shot," she told me.

Do you feel stressed out?

No Land Grab had this story about television cameras in Ratnerville.

There has been a lot of attention paid to the
Atlantic Yards project lately, what with that PACB thingee
yesterday–something about 3 guys up in Albany lording it over Brooklyn.

 
 

We
decided to take a look at the Atlantic Yards project too, and found
that somebody is paying a lot of attention to the footprnt itself these
days.

 
 

We walked the Dean Street and Pacific street blocks
bounded by 5th Avenue, Vanderbilt Avenue and Flatbush Avenue, to tally
up the number of Surveillance City Ratner Eyes in the Sky. We counted
29. Check it out.

link 

NoLandGrab: If only New York’s politicians paid half as much attention to the holes in Ratner’s proposal.

So far we’ve gotten about 15 holiday cards.

I almost fell over when I saw a picture of an old friend’s three kids. Her son is 15 (same age as Teen Spirit). So manly, he is bare chested with with a chain around his neck.

Got a funny card from former Slopers. "Greetings from Sunny South Orange." Great shots of OSFO’s first friend with long blonde hair looking really grown up and tall at age 9.

The beautiful daughters of my best friend taken in southern France. Tres tres arty.

Fun collage from friends who’s kid pictures are always masterfully odd. No one looking at the camera, looking blase. That sort of thing.

A great black and white shot of a couple who got married this year and all their children (his two daughters, her daughter) walking in the ocean. The bride looking svelte and gorgeous in her Narsicsco Rodriguez wedding gown.

Ducky at the beach — looking oh so adorable.

From California, our twin neices with roses at their high school graduation and their sister at her UCLA graduation with a purple lei around her neck

Hugh’s aunt in Santa Cruz surrounded by three grandchildren and the words: There’s nothing like a nanasandwich.

What am I forgetting…

Didn’t have to wake Teen Spirit this morning. Didn’t have to make him the usual omelette. Didn’t get to watch him tie his tie and put on his lace up shoes. Didn’t get to have our usual breakfast together at 7 a.m. Our morning conversation…

School’s out and he can sleep as late as he wants for the next week. Woo hoo.

Crossing Eighth Avenue, I saw a biker coming my way. He noticed me, stopped and bowed in a good-natured way as I walked past his bike.

It was lovely.

Anyone know of a Christmas caroling activity in Park Slope? Do tell.

You know the derelict house on Third Street just off Seventh Avenue next to Tempo Presto. Someone put Christmas lights on the fence. That building is the blight of our block. What a nice gesture. Anyone know who did it?

Also, check out the purple lights in the house next door. The owners decorated their metal flower sculpture with lights.

And while I’m at it, Tempo Presto has nice lights, too.

Yup. Your pet — puppy, gecko, or cockatiel — gets to sit on Santa’s lap!!!!

Here’s the deal: Puppy Paradise invites pet owners to pose with their pets and Santa. You will receive one free 4×6 portrait. Packages available for purchase.

Sounds fun. Or creepy. Or interesting in a kind of “I’m just doing research” kind of way.

11 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday.

Puppy Paradise, 2082 Flatbush Ave. at Avenue P in Marine Park.
(718) 252-7877. www.puppyparadise.com. FREE.

THIS FROM NY1 (ny1.com)

After hours of delays, the $4 billion Atlantic Yards project was finally given the go-ahead by a key state board Wednesday.

Republicans, Governor George Pataki and State Senate Majority leader Joe Bruno, control two of the three votes on the Public Authorities Control Board. Both were known supporters of the plan.

The third member of the board, Democrat Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, had refused to approve the development, citing lingering concerns over funding. However, Silver changed his mind and cast his ballot in favor of the project at the board meeting Wednesday.

“I have voted for it today because I am satisfied it meets all the necessary criteria under the PACB statute,” said Silver in a statement. “Furthermore, I am pleased the developer is committed to addressing numerous community concerns through several specific actions that will result in significant neighborhood improvements.”

Silver’s vote against the West Side Stadium plan last year effectively killed that project.

A unanimous vote by the board was required.

Developer Bruce Ratner’s plan includes office and apartment towers, plus a sports arena for the Nets basketball team. Under the plan, the state and city would each contribute $100 million to the project. It would also be funded by billions of dollars in bonds that the state will not be liable for.

News that the Atlantic Yards project was approved by the state Public Authorities Control Board was greeted by cheers from the community group ACORN…

Travis Ruse has been photo blogging for two years creating an extraordinary portrait of humanity with his daily pictures of the New York City subway.

I just checked his site, Express Train (Travisruse.com) and the last time he posted was November 30th. IT says: TWO YEARS AND 619 PICTURES LATER.

Is he taking a break? Publishing a book? Planning an exhibition of this major work that is so moving. A daily blog is a real grind (dontcha know it)? Maybe he’s on hiatus. Re-grouping. Taking a breather.

But Travis, your public is waiting…

Go to Travisruse.com and feast your eyes….