Thanks to Gowanus Lounge for bringing this to OTBKB’s attention. It’s from someone named Kara on Myspace.   

First little poetry:

Somebody stole my car
Somebody stole my automobile
They ripped off the radio and sold the wheels
And if it’s happened to you
Then you know how I feel
Somebody stole my car

somebody stole my car
I left it parked outside of my home
It had a new A/C and a cellular phone
And I’m as sick as a dog
‘Cos I’m still paying off the loan
Somebody stole my car

A letter:

Sunday, September 17, 2006

To the person who stole my car on Saturday night:

Current mood: angry

You know who you are. You took it from its parking spot on Prospect Park West between 9th and 10th Streets in Park Slope Saturday night. You did it while I was watching the Yankee game and drinking a Sam Adams.

Enjoy listening to Howard Stern on my Sirius Radio. Feel free to change the presets if you’d like, but maybe you actually like the Classic Vinyl channel. I also hope you’re a big Pearl Jam fan because that’s 75% of what you’ll be hearing on that iPod you took along with my car. Yes, that’s right. I hope you’re excited to hear 27 different live versions of "Evenflow".

In the event that you can’t remember your prayers, perhaps the rosary beads hanging from the rearview mirror will jog your memory. I know they helped me remember my prayers when I got them for my First Holy Communion back in 1987.

Watch the head on that bopping Dalmatian on the dash, though. It tends to break if you make him dance too much. My dad told me the same thing when he bought it for me.

Keep the parking pass that allows me to park at work. I won’t need it seeing as how I no longer have a car to park in my reserved space. Keep the Dunkin Donuts napkins that have accumulated in the glove box, too. You’re also welcome to the spare change in that slot on the driver’s side. But there’s no Altoids in that box that’s on the floor.

That sleeping bag in the trunk? It’s insulated because I take it camping. But if you would rather play some sports before settling down in your new sleeping bag, maybe the hockey skates will fit you. I know they fit me fine when I bought them back in 1994. They were a good reliable pair of skates. Maybe you’re more of a baseball fan? There’s a glove in the trunk but it’s a left handed one. I hope you’re right handed.

The various items of clothing in my car probably won’t be to your taste or your size though.

I think I’ve thought of everything.

Oh, wait.

Fuck you!