Here’s a winner from Groovy Aunt’s blog, Mamainwaiting. Groovy Aunt is now Diaper Diva (for obvious reasons). Ducky just turned two.

I think that Groovy Aunt’s words convey a great deal about the hurt that
is inflicted when friends and family, in an effort to be helpful, say
the darndest things. Even Smartmom has been guilty of one or more of
these inconsiderate statements. Groovy Aunt definitely "gets" that
people are well-meaning but sometimes they just don’t "get it." Thank
you Groovy Aunt for telling it like it is and making us understand how
difficult this process has been.

Don’t Say Anything
by Groovy Aunt

It
has become clear to me as I’ve struggled through infertility and the
process of adoption that, on the whole, people tend to say the wrong
thing. Yes, intentions are well and good but people usually say
something irritating and irksome. That’s why I’ve compiled a list of
things NOT TO SAY:

If
someone is telling you about their difficulty getting pregnant, don’t
tell them to relax or take a vacation with their spouse.

If it
is obvious that a couple is struggling with infertility don’t tell them
that you just look at your wife and she gets pregnant.

Don’t say anything.

Don’t
tell anyone that infertility can be cured by doing yoga, taking
vitamins, or eating properly. Especially, don’t tell anyone to stop
drinking coffee.

Don’t say anything.

As I’ve moved into the world of adoption, there are also numerous conversational pitfalls people fall into:

Inevitably,
someone will tell you that once you stop the infertility treatments,
you’ll get pregnant, or once you adopt, you’ll miraculously get
pregnant because the pressure will be off, once again suggesting that
tension and anxiety are the causes of infertility.

Don’t say anything.

If someone is telling you they are adopting from Russia, don’t tell them how "cute" the Chinese babies are.

Don’t say anything.

If
someone is telling you they are adopting from Russia, don’t warn them
about chronic diseases and F.A.S. (if you don’t know the acronym, don’t
worry, you will if you ever decide to adopt from Russia.) Yes, these
warnings are important. Nevertheless, a person about to adopt is
probably going to already know about these issues – and probably stays
up at night worrying about them. It is best to not say anything.

If
someone is telling you that they are adopting from Russia, don’t tell
them how easy it was for your friend, aunt, sister, etc. to adopt from
the U.S. "It was so fast and easy, I’ll get you the number…"

Don’t say anything.

The
truth is, you can’t stop people from saying whatever they want to say.
Instead, you must harden yourself to deal with other people’s opinions,
words and innuendoes. This is true in all areas of life. Perhaps this
has been a good exercise in holding onto myself and not letting other
people rock mty resolve. It has certainly made me tough.

It is
hard enough to hold onto one’s fragile sense of hope when one is
vulnerable to the opinionated chatter of others. The lesson here is to
stop listening to others, and start listening to what is inside your
heart.

I am adopting because I want to be a parent and to love
a child. I know there are many risks but I am willing to take this
great leap of faith. This requires a certain amount of bravery and a
good pair of psychic ear plugs.