Birthdays still feel like special days even when you’re my age. That’s probably because my parents always did special things for us on our birthday.  I say "our" because I am a twin and I share my birthday with my sister.

As children, we were often in Bridgehampton, Water Mill or Sagaponick, Long Island on our birthday. We’d stay at this old-fashioned rooming house called Stepankowski (I’m pretty sure it’s not there anymore). It was the kind of place where everyone eats dinner at the same time, and eats the same thing. They probably had a croquet set on the lawn. Or horseshoes. Other times we’d stay in a B&B called the Conklin House and eat breakfast in the kitchen with the Conklins.

We’d always go to the Penny Candy Store in Water Mill —the one in mentioned in the The Long Secret by Louise Fitzhugh—on the day and carefully pick out an assortment of tootsie rolls, licorice sticks, colorful dots on paper, jaw breakers. The candies were still just a penny then. I think that place still exists but you can be sure those candies don’t cost a penny anymore.

We’d go to the beach and swim, play in the sand for hours. Stop at antique stores (my parent’s hobby) and buy swirly colored antique marbles. That’s what we collected then.

I remember many birthday dinners at old fashioned Long Island restuarants (cloth napkins, waiters in white jackets) where I’d always order L.I. Duck L’orange. And coca cola. That was a birthday treat.

A summer birthday like mine often passes unnoticed by friends. When I was a child I never had a birthday party in school. In my day, the schools didn’t do a special summer birthday party for all the kids with summer birthdays. 

But that never bothered me. It has always felt like my very private day. I love it when people remember. But if they don’t I understand. It’s the dog days of August afterall and I’m usually away.

So it feels like a secret birthday; I have birthdays just like everyone else (and I grow one year older) but
they happen on a day when no one is looking. That’s my summer
birthday.

One year, when we were 7 or 8, my sister had a beautiful garden party in Riverside Park. We went to our favorite party store on Lexington Avenue and she picked out the most beautiful streamers, paper plates, cups, napkins, hats; it was absolutely magical, the most special party in the world.

We went to separate schools and had different friends. I remember a sleep over party when I was six. With my cousin, we made groovy sixties posters that said: "Let’s Swing" and "Do the Twist."

In recent years, we have been separate on our birthday. I’m usually on the farm in California and she’s usually in New York on the day. It felt grown up in a way. Like I was claiming the day for myself. But something was missing…

When in California, my mother-in-law often serves a birthday
breakfast. She sets the table in the garden room with her Italian
floral plates, Matisse tea cups, flowers from the garden. Fresh oranges, figs, cantaloupe, nectarines. My favorite
present ever: from Teen Spirit. He gave me a huge Bob Dylan songbook
knowing that I would cry. I did.

We were together for the big Four Oh, when mother threw us a cocktail party in her living room with a jazz trio and a very tall bartender. I even got to sing (Cigarette holder that wigs me over his shoulder he digs me, out cattin’ that Satin Doll). There was champagne and finger food, friends toasting, saying nice things.

One year HC and I went to Chez Panisse on my birthday and discovered that August 28th is also the birthday of the restaurant and they always have a special birthday menu on that day. There are usually other people celebrating their birthdays, too.

For the last five or more years we’ve made Chez Panisse my birthday tradition on our shared birthday. We drive into Berkeley from the farm. Go to Cody’s Books and The Gardener in Emmeryville. Stop in at another favorite bookstore on Shattuck Avenue and then go into the simple but elegant California arts and crafts style restaurant. They always have a special birthday poster by David Lance Goines (above).

This year, like every year, I want my birthday to be a perfect day in Sagaponick with a trip to the Penny Candy Store, the ocean and a garden party in Riverside Park. A bookstore browse in Berkeley, Matisse dishes in the garden, fresh vegetables at Chez Panisse. A jazz trio in the living room and good friends making toasts.

Ya wanna come?