Yesterday I came into the apartment at dusk with my friend Red Eft. All the lights were out. When I walked into the dining room, I saw what looked like a huge rat sitting on the dining room table.
My heart started to beat and I yelled for Red Eft, "What is that? What is IT?" The rat was black with huge, sharp looking white teeth. It was truly disgusing.
Red Eft said, "It’s a rat but it’s not moving." At which point I ran into the kitchen and sort of danced around in a panic. I tried to get Hepcat’s attention by intercom because he was downstairs at the Third Street Cafe. Instead some guy from Fresh Direct was waiting at the downstair’s door.
Couldn’t reach Hepcat.
I peeked back out at the rat on the dining room table and it was still in the exact same spot. "It’s a very realistic looking plastic rat," Red Eft screamed. Still I couldn’t look at it, it was too disgusting.
Phobia of rats, anyone?
I got a large garbage bag in the kitchen and thrust it toward Red Eft who agreed to bag the rat.
I am going to kill Teen Spirit is what I was thinking. Somehow I knew it was him who’d bought the thing at a stoop sale. I haven’t a clue why he’d want it in the first place. It occurred to me that maybe someone had left it in our apartment as a prank, a nasty gesture.
But who would do that?
I was going to just toss the damn thing in the garbage but I decided to call Teen Spirit who was at a concert with friends.
"I found your friend, the rat. I’m going to throw it out. It’s disgusting," I said.
"Don’t throw my rat out," he said. "My mom wants to throw out my rat," he said to friends who were standing by. "You can’t do that. I bought it at a store."
"What kind of store?" I said.
"The stoop sale store…" he said.
And so it went. After I hung up with my rat-buying son, I decided to leave the rat in the black garbage bag in Teen Spirit’s room. But when OSFO and friends came upstairs they were fascinated by the disgusting thing and placed it in a strategic spot in Teen Spirit’s room.
"When he comes home he’s gonna be really surprised to see that rat sitting there," Red Eft’s nine year old son, a budding filmmaker, said: "I’m going to videotape his reaction."
Well, Teen Spirit slept over at his friend’s house. So we haven’t seen his reaction yet. Can’t wait.
i saw this rat!! at the stoop sale! and i ogled, oohed and ahhed, was grossed out and incredulous and laughing along with all those around me. so happy this nasty plastic critter found its home in your home and blog. . . don’t you think it’s a little tiny bit cute? ha! hardly, i know–it’s ghastly. i’m thinking this disgusting plastic rat is chuckling at starting yet another conversation. . . i would love to see the video documenting this rat’s existence, come to think of it!