Does everyone have as hard a time as I do admitting that they are wrong?
Last night lying in bed before we fell asleep, Hepcat and I had a much-needed talk. Both of us are so busy, sometimes we don’t discuss anything beyond logistics for days. But I could tell he was upset. As events unfolded over the last few days, he sometimes had a long, sad look on his face. I could tell that he was troubled by what was going on. More specifically, he was troubled by MY role in all of this.
I was, needless to say, defensive at first. I hate to hear criticism, especially if it’s true. HATE IT. It was hard for me to really own up to my role in all of this. But Hepcat was determined to show me that I was responsible in some way. He was not being unkind just honest.
First, he asked me if I thought it was wrong for the woman to put the man’s name on the flyer. I said: YES.
YES. IT WAS WRONG.
He followed with: "Then it was wrong of you to mention the flyer, the name of our street, the fact that there was an accused child molester. By doing so, you attracted the attention of the news media and inadvertantly turned this into a more public story than it needed to be."
YES. I WAS WRONG.
SOBERING. It’s sobering when your spouse tells you something you don’t want to believe but the more you think about it you have to admit is true. It’s also maddening when your SPOUSE is SO RIGHT.
GUILT. Yes, I feel guilty, too.
On Saturday morning – a personal story and a potentially very public story converged. I opted to tell the story of the flyer (from my usual "this is my life" point-of-view) without realizing that it would alert the news media to the situation. Sometimes OTBKB is me thinking out loud — my thought process online. Well, that’s not always appropriate and this situation bears that out. It’s the emotional truth I’m after but sometimes facts seep in that don’t deserve
such wide exposure. The sign was more or less public but only public on this block and probably shouldn’t have been blogged to the world.
At first I said, I didn’t know the editor of the Daily News reads this blog. But a friend who knows about these sorts of things said, "Of course he reads your blog, all the editors do."
Usually all they could hope to find on OTBKB was small, anecdotal stories about the neighborhood zeitgeist. Quality of life stuff. But on Saturday they saw something in OTBKB a bit more tantalizing AND POSSIBLY VERY DAMAGING TO A MAN, A WOMAN AND A YOUNG GIRL WHO LIVE NEAR HERE.
IT WAS A STORY THAT WOULD SELL NEWSPAPERS.
Hepcat, you are right. I inadvertantly did something that has ramifications way beyond my original intent. I didn’t think it through. The personal and the public converged and I forgot to think AND I didn’t realize how public this blog really is.
In other words: I wasn’t thinking. And I owe everyone who has been hurt by this a profuse apology.
i agree with the Brooklyn Fox. otbkb was not suggesting that the man was guily – only that he had been accused. I believe that putting up those flyers was inappropriate and probably impulsive on the part of the mom – She should allow the legal system to work – No, we don’t know what really happened. And it is a complex situation.
I don’t see how otbkb did anything wrong by writing about this. It was PUBLIC as soon as the woman put up the flyers in PUBLIC. It’s naive to think that this news would have stopped at the edges of Third Street and not reached the rest of the neighborhood and/or the media. If otbkb hadn’t written about it, someone else would have. It’s news. It was news as soon as the woman put up those flyers. For the people who know/feel that the man is innocent, point your fingers at this woman, not at otbkb.
I see it as a lesson learned. I was thinking about this last night and I’d say, probably, women are less sensitive to this than we need to be in that while we’re thinking about protecting ourselves and our children, we may be less likely to see it from a man’s perspective and the fear he’d rightly have IF he is indeed innocent. The thing is, as long as there are child molesters out there, incidents like this will continue to occur.
It truly baffles my mind how hypocritical people can be!
It is NOT ok to point the finger at someone who, in all fairness, is PROTECTING her child, and then turn around and claim the man in question is being accused of something he didn’t do. (read comment above)
Question: How do you know he didn’t do it?
I am not saying he is guilty or not guilty. (Bread seems to claim his innocence)
I would let a jury decide that, which is only 12 peoples opinion but that is the system we have to live with.
However, we shouldn’t climb on our high horses and proclaim innocence when we dont know that for sure either.
Fairness works in BOTH directions. Hypocrisy dissolves any strength an argument for, or against, may have.
thanks for your posting.
David: bloggers are NOT journalists, and OTBKB did do something wrong.
It is quite naive to think that the larger media world does not surf local blogs looking for interesting stories.
And yes, his life is truly hell right now. Imagine yourself being accused of something heinous that you didn’t do, complete with a huge picture of yourself in the paper.
You didn’t name names and you didn’t expect such media reaction to your post. Don’t beat yourself up.
I know the accused, and yes, he has always been honorable to deal with. If he is falsely accused, then his life must truly be hell right now. At the same time, how well do any of us really know the people we deal with, particularly if it is on a frequent but superficial level? This story, and the ambivalence it brings, is a classic . . . it’s almost biblical. Every child must be protected. And everyone is entitloed to a fair hearing. So, keep an eye on your kids, teach them well, maintain persepctive (it can happen anywhere), and, if you are inclined, contribute to to the man’s defense.
PS: Reporting on breaking news on the block is the responsibility of a journalist. You’ve done nothing wrong, so far as I can see.