Sister, Ducky (her 15-month old baby), and I were in The Cocoa Bar, our new favorite place to sit and sip latte. We were sitting in the window seat, a good place for watching the people walk by on Seventh Avenue.
Ducky had a dirty diaper. Sister knew that the public bathroom was out-of-order so she started to change her on the seat, with her trusty diaper pad. Knowing this was a dicey thing to do, in a cafe and all, I stood in front of her so no one would have to see what she was doing.
"Make sure you have everything you need," I said in an attempt to make it a speedy operation. She got out the diaper, the wipes, a plastic bag for the dirty diaper.
Everything she needed.
I stood in front of Sister trying to hide the baby from view. Ducky wasn’t real happy about being changed in public and she twisted and cried a bit. But it all went very quickly and cleanly. The whole operation took less than two minutes.
Afterwards, Ducky went back to sitting in the stroller, sucking on a rattle. My sister packed up the dirty diaper and I took it out to the garbage pail on the corner of Third Street and Seventh Avenue. Sister went into the out-of-order bathroom and washed her hands. Then I went in there. We were sipping our lattes when one of the cafe barista’s came over to us.
"I know you had to do it. But we can’t allow you to do that here," the barista said.
"Sorry," Sister said.
"We did it here because the bathroom was out of order," I chimed in aware that I might sound defensive.
"I know. But for future reference. You can’t do it here. It’s against the law," the barista said.
"I’m really sorry," Sister said looking really embarrassed.
"Thanks for telling us," I said.
"Okay," she said and walked back to the coffee bar.
All in all, it was a very civilized exchange. I could tell that Sister felt funny about the whole thing. I knew it wasn’t the best idea in the world to do it in the first place. Who likes to see a baby being diapered in a restaurant? Actually it’s pretty damn gross. But what were we to do?
"Did you ever imagine that you’d be diapering a baby in a cafe," I said to my Sister.
"Nope," she said.
Sister became a mom just over three months ago after longing for a baby for years and years. Pre-baby, she would sometimes get annoyed by the child-centered parents of Park Slope. The stroller grid-lock. The kids running wild in restaurants. The public breast feeding (Sister says she didn’t mind this: it was just that everyone had babies and she didn’t.) The parents gloating over their so-called adorable children.
It was hard enough
not having her own child. And worse to be surrounded by so many people with children. But then it happened, Ducky arrived and everything changed.
Three months into motherhood, Sister is already becoming one of those child-absorbed Park Slope parents. And we’re all thrilled.
Diapering a baby in a cafe. Imagine.
Even though we both knew it was a terrible thing to do. Terrible. I must admit, it was kinda cool being reprimanded by the barista after Sister diapered Ducky.
BECAUSE she was diapering Ducky, her baby, her very own little girl.
WOW… I think I personally would have started by asking the barista if there was a place I could change my child. But I don’t really get what the big deal is all about.
Out of curiosity, which table were y’all sitting at? I want to make sure I and my kids (especially) don’t sit there on my(our) next visit.
In August 2007, my wife and I and infant were at a jazz concert at the Prospect Park bandshell. I went to the mens restroom, by myself, which was being cleaned at the time. The attendant was cursing about how disgusting people are. Meanwhile he was using the baby’s changing table as a place to put all of his disgusting bathroom cleaning tools and rags and stuff. If in doubt I do not use a baby changing table anywhere.
“It’s not even about the welfare of the child, who would be happier in the park watching squirrels or on the swings while mom sips a take-out coffee.”
You’d probably get charged with child abuse. December 5 2005 it snowed 2 1/2 inches. Even the squirrels would have better sense than you.
oh my goodness—– all this for something so small….. put your energy someplace else….
TYGZBG said:
“With babies sometimes you have to do what you have to do.”
TYGZBG: Nobody *has* to sip lattes in a cafe. Nobody. Particularly not with a toddler. Parenting involves some temporary sacrifices, and cafe life ought to be one of them.
MICHAEL said:
“Rest assured, if/when you finally have progeny of your own *their* bottoms will just as pristine as your own…and a child screaming in a dirty diaper is quite a bit more annoying then being confronted with a public diaper change.”
Michael, I’m a happily childfree married woman, and I get plenty of rest with or without your assurance, thanks…which is a good thing, since I spend a lot of energy on my job as a teacher of high school students.
A screaming baby is just as much of a cue to leave a public place as a baby needing a diaper change (not that I’ll hold my breath waiting for the more entitled parents these days to heed either of these points of common manners).
For people like these, it’s not about manners or the greater good. It’s not even about the welfare of the child, who would be happier in the park watching squirrels or on the swings while mom sips a take-out coffee. It’s about entitled parents trying to pretend that making the decision to have a child involves no trade-offs whatsoever.
Just because you feel that long-established rules of etiquette are unfair and burdensome (due to your life choices) doesn’t mean you’re not delusional. Hopefully, by the time your children are older and have to navigate adult life, they’ll do so with a lot more care towards being good citizens than their parents.
Oh for the days when people spawned in New Jersey, Staten Island and Long Island.
“All those people complaining will someday be in a similar situation if they have kids and understand.”
In other words, “When you breed, you too will become as selfish and solipsistic as my sister and all the other Park Slope entitlement breeders.”
Feh.
>and a child screaming in a dirty diaper is quite a bit more annoying then being confronted with a public diaper change.
Then LEAVE, for goodness sakes! Spare us and your child both of those options AND your entitled attitude. It’s not one or the other – it’s NEITHER. Decorum starts at home – or at least by going there.
Regardless of what perspective I may lack, I still don’t want your kid’s poo poo isotopes clinging to the delicate mucous membranes of my nostrils.
While we’re on the subject, I just don’t *get* those SUV strollers. My childbearing friends always use the most compact model available, for ease of folding onto trains and chucking into a nearby garbage bin on the street when you suddenly realize your screaming kid is old enough to walk. Whenever I see a giany stroller, I imagine there is a tiny gnarled old man in a bonnet. Or a jackal.
I have changed many a diaper in public places, but my most memorable diaper change was in a large, multi doctor medical clinic waiting room. There I was pulling off my daughters rubber pants and unpinning her diapers in front of maybe 15 or more people. Everyone watches you for some reason, like they’ve never seen a baby get changed before or something. 1982 spelled that year in date.
Mmm…feces in an eating/drinking establishment. Out in the open too!
Oh, get over it, already…some people have absolutely no sense of perspective at all. When the kid needs to be changed, the kid needs to be changed–and I strongly suspect those above who are horrified at the prospect of public diaper changing have never been faced with the need. Rest assured, if/when you finally have progeny of your own *their* bottoms will just as pristine as your own…and a child screaming in a dirty diaper is quite a bit more annoying then being confronted with a public diaper change.
Get over it, and get over yourselves.
You have got to be kidding me. It is illegal to change a babies diaper? That is a joke right. What would the law be. Indecency. For a fifteen month old. I really doubt it. Change the diaper. Be discrete. What else is there to be said.
Oh, who cares, big deal. You people are so uptight, you should all relax. Maybe you should be drinking beer instead of coffee and cocoa. What I hate the most about Park Slope people are all the neurotic uptight types like all of the responders above.
Count another vote in the “saddened/disgusted” column. Other people have expressed it better than I, but I’m appalled that you and/or your sister apparently couldn’t spend the extra two or three minutes it would have taken to find a more discreet and hygienic place to do this. Sorry to say it, but the air of smugness and self-satisfaction rolling off your post stinks worse than a fully loaded diaper.
And yes, I agree that the barista was a model of restraint. I hope you tipped *very* well (after washing your hands).
What unhygienic in changing a diaper? The keyboard that I’m typing this on is likely to contain more germs than a diaper. In The Cocoa bar the loo is the only place private enough to change a diaper – though they don’t even provide a changing table. Where does the barista pee anyway? Behind the counter?
On the pro side – the cocoa bar is the only place expensive enough not to attract surfing students – but there’s not much place for a few strollers.
Shame on them, and stupid. You won’t make any money from takeaway coffees, but from chatting, cakeeating moms!
The Cocoa Bar, Seventh Ave Between 3rd & 4th St, Park Slope – NO
Apparently the bathroom’s out of order altogether, and so a blogger circled the wagons while his sister changed her kid’s diaper on the chair. Naturally, chaos ensued, at least online. POSTCARD FROM THE SLOPE_DIAPERING DUCKY [OTBKB via Curbed, whose co…
if the bathroom was open to allow hand-washing, couldn’t Sister have changed the baby in there? despite a non-working toilet, the bathroom would offer a private more appropriate setting for diaper-changing.
The Cocoa Bar, Seventh Ave Between 3rd & 4th St, Park Slope – NO
Apparently the bathroom’s out of order altogether, and so a blogger circled the wagons while his sister changed her kid’s diaper on the chair. Naturally, chaos ensued, at least online. POSTCARD FROM THE SLOPE_DIAPERING DUCKY [OTBKB via Curbed, whose co…
I would’ve asked the cafe if you could use the bathroom just as a private space to change it. Usually when a bathroom is out of order, its the toilet, not the room itself. If they didn’t let you do that, then shame on them. But to change a diaper in a cafe is pretty gross.
Was this action more okay/understandable or less gross/unhygenic because Sister had longed for a baby for years and years? As opposed to if the baby was an accident she didn’t much want? Just wondering how one’s relative desire for a child relates to subsequent parental behavior.
Oh please. Shame on YOU. There is no remorse expressed in the post — the tone is gleeful: “it was kinda cool being reprimanded . . . . it was really kinda great . . . . Woo hoo.” If the tone had been different, I doubt you would have gotten this reaction. But saying, Woohoo, we changed a smelly dirty diaper in the middle of a restaurant and it was great! is going to irk people, sorry.
In years to come, when you realize that civilized people hate your kids, please remember this moment: Shit-filled baby diaper, coffee shop, your giggling apology.
the post never suggested that we were “entitled” to change the diaper. Moreover, we knew we were crossing a boundary – and I made a bad decision. I learned my lesson, and nowhere in the post did my sister suggest that we didn’t feel terrible, or that we didn’t agree with the barrister who told us not to do it again – We apologized and moved on. To those that felt the need to “flame” OTBKB, shame on you. Enough already.
congratulations: you’ve both become a stereotype. let’s hope that being self-centered and unhygenic is not genetic.
oh for goodness sake people. haven’t you ever done anything at least that ill-considered during your years of parenthood? While not guilty of this particular act, I’ve certainly made comparable mistakes – especially with my first newborn. I’d say this stems less from a sense of entitlement than simple in-the-moment bad judgment.
that’s just nasty and extremely selfish.
What were you to do? Take the baby home! Or find a working bathroom! Changing a dirty diaper in the middle of a cafe is incredibly disgusting and inconsiderate. Not to mention — didn’t your sister want to wash her hands after changing what was apparently a feces-filled diaper? This is the kind of behavior that gives all of us Park Slope parents a bad name. I have NO problem with public breastfeeding or double strollers, by the way. I raised two kids through the diaper years in Park Slope and I certainly never changed their diapers in the middle of a restaurant!
Just wanted you to know, as a mother, I have been in the same situation. I actually used my carriage as a changing table. I also covered my baby with a blankie, slipping the clean diaper under him before removing the dirty one. Not exposing the dirty one to others. With babies sometimes you have to do what you have to do. All those people complaining will someday be in a similar situation if they have kids and understand.
Anyway, congratulations to your sister!
Shouldn’t the baby be a priority instead of sitting sipping coffee? I mean if the baby’s diaper was dirty instead of rudely changing it in a busy cafe, shouldn’t the mom have realized getting the baby home or to a clean, private changing area should supercede her need for leisurely sipping coffee and people watching? How selfish! And gross!
Did you disinfect the area around where you changed the diaper? And where did you dispose of the dirty diaper? Didn’t it stink up the whole coffee shop? Do you have a dog that you allow to defacate in food establishments as well..?
It is remarkable how people are able to rationalize any disgusting behaviour these days…
I hope you teach your neice some better manners than you and your sister share.
It is illegal because it is unsanitary. You should be ashamed of yourself. The cafe could have received a fine for letting this go on. But, I guess when you are entitled, the rules do not apply to you.
How about leaving? Hope you at least considered that option. This is the grossest thing I have heard about in a long time. Amazing what parents feel entitled to do nowadays.
And if you had to go, give that the bathroom was out of order, would you have just pulled down your pants, with your sister blocking the view? I think the barista was a model of restraint.