The alarm clocks are ringing in our house an hour early. We haven’t gotten around to changing all our clocks yet. Sleep. That most blessed state is also the most easily interrupted.
I keep forgetting to change my son’s duck alarm clock even though the return to daylight savings time happened three days ago. He sleeps right through it.
My husband’s cell phone plays this jaunty circus music when it goes off at 5 a.m. (previously 6 a.m.) Every time I hear it I think: "Time for clown school." And then I giggle. And then, I’m awake. He sleeps right through it.
Sometimes I joke that I haven’t really slept in 14 years. And yet it’s true. Since my son’s birth in 1991, there have been so many reasons to pop up at 3 a.m. Waking up when the baby cries. when it’s time to breastfeed, or change a diaper. "I need a glass of water." "Mommy, I had a bad dream," "Mommy, I have to throw up,"
Sometimes it is anxiety. Those "omigod, I forgot to do…" thoughts that wake me up at 3 a.m. and leave me ruminating while listening to the airplanes fly into LaGuardia wishing I could fall back to sleep.
Or else I wonder if my children are in their beds and check to see if they are still breathing.
Or else I worry that they might be cold and check to make sure that they are tucked in.
The fact that mothers don’t sleep well is something I hear from many mothers I know. You have to wonder how this sleep deprivation is affecting us. The importance of sleep for mental and physical health is scientifically proven. How is this sleep-interrupted state influencing our lives?
The only times I sleep well are those rare occasions when I sleep somewhere without my children. Then I sleep deeply without the hypervigilent worry that keeps me slightly awake most of the time. It feels good to sleep through the night and it’s such a treat.
That said, there is something magical about the way Park Slope looks at night from my bedroom window. There’s a tree in the foreground, backyards below and the lit and unlit windows from the brownstones on 2nd Street. The sky above is city-sky-black with a smattering of stars – not many – but some. Someone has a soothing wind chime, which blows in the breeze.
We still need to change those alarm clocks. It’s been nearly a week and I’m getting tired of hearing that clown music at 5 a.m. Besides, I need whatever sleep I can get. No sense in waking up early when I haven’t really slept at all.