On Marriage and Hurricanes
Any emergency is a litmus test that reveals much about the strengths and weaknesses of a marriage. Honestly, I’ve been a bit of a basket-case about Sandy, while my husband Huband has been much more chill.
Because I have a take-charge tendency, on Saturday morning I went to Fairway at 8:30 AM to stock up on groceries and water. The store was crowded but I felt lulled by the task of filling my shopping cart while others did the same. Clearly, for many it was an appropriate way to quell one’s anxieties about the coming storm.
The Huband slept in.
Before I went to Fairway, I asked The Huband to take care of our flashlight situation. When I got home a few hours later he was still sleeping, seemingly unconcerned by urgent warnings about “Frankenstorm.”
By Sunday morning, he still hadn’t given any thought to flashlights and batteries. I went ballistic. Clearly, he wasn’t all adrenaline-fueled and anxious about the foul, foul weather. In fact, he didn’t seem worried at all.
That put me in a foul, foul mood.
It is a constant refrain around here that The Huband grew up on a farm and he’s prepared for anything. In other words, he’s in charge of fixing things, construction projects, cars, appliances, machines, toilets and FLASHLIGHTS.
Luckily, I was able to convince him to find all our flashlights and batteries. Which isn’t to say that he was willing do it on my timetable. I knew there were very long lines at the hardware store. While The Huband took a leisurely shower, I ran out to the store just to allay my fears that the store would sell out.
Standing on line I felt in control. I would get the flashlights and batteries and I would feel better in the process. Depending on someone else to soothe my anxiety is never a good idea.
I was still on line when The Huband showed up at the hardware store about a half hour later to assure me that we were in good shape regarding flashlights. Still, I decided to buy a LED flashlight, a big expensive thing.
It made me feel safe just to told that big, red, LED flashlight. Big Red. It also made me feel safe to finally have The Huband involved. Working as a team is soothing and smart in marriage and hurricanes.
Sunday afternoon, The Huband spent an hour filling pots and pitchers with water. We talked about filling the bathtub. Cooperation goes a long way to alleviate anxiety. And a disaster shows you a lot about what does and doesn’t work in a marriage.