Greetings, Pub Quiz Way More Than Two Turtle Doves…

No Rocky Sullivan's Pub Quiz this week.  It's Christmas Eve, and, well, it's Christmas Eve.  NORAD will once again be issuing updates on a strange airborne vehicle under the power of — yes, yes, reindeer.

Were NORAD really monitoring a BIFO – Barely Identified Flying Object – they'd shoot it down just after it had crossed the U.S.-Canada border between Saskatchewan and Plentywood, Montana.  St. Nick's sleigh has a lot going for it — tireless reindeer, one with a glowing beacon for a nose, a storage capacity that defies physics, and Santa's unmappable ability to bend the laws of time and space — but he doesn't have a transponder or a ship-to-ship radio system.

…Sarah Palin's not the only one who can see Russia from their front porch

That, or he'd wave and the Strategic Air Command pilots, reacting the way the New York cops did when Amadou Diallo went for his wallet, would open fire by the time Santa got halfway through "ho ho ho!" number two.

I might be divulging my ominous sense that the country, the world, our city, Brooklyn, are all careening toward a bad, bad end.  Or, the U.S. military shooting down Santa's sleigh might just be funny.

Although I've linked to NORAD, bear in mind that the U.S. military charming the yule-season pants off us is, in reality, a left-over relic from the golden age of the Cold War.

For a half-century, the U.S and Canada's air-defense mandate us undertaken this seasonal task.  According to the Norad Santa Tracker website,

The tradition began in 1955 after a Colorado Springs-based Sears Roebuck & Co. advertisement for children to call Santa misprinted the telephone number. Instead of reaching Santa, the phone number put kids through to the CONAD Commander-in-Chief's operations "hotline."

Oops.

The Director of Operations at the time, Colonel Harry Shoup, had his staff check the radar for indications of Santa making his way south from the North Pole. Children who called were given updates on his location, and a tradition was born.

In 1958, the governments of Canada and the United States created a bi-national air defense command for North America called the North American Aerospace Defense Command, also known as NORAD, which then took on the tradition of tracking Santa.

NORAD uses four high-tech systems to track Santa – radar, satellites, Santa Cams and fighter jets
.

Fighter jets?  Fighter jets?!

Why, yes.  Fighter jets.

Canadian NORAD fighter pilots flying the CF-18 intercept and welcome Santa to North America. In the United States, American NORAD fighter pilots in either the F-15 or the F-16 get the thrill of flying alongside Santa and his famous reindeer: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and, of course, Rudolph.

Of course, Rudolph.

 
Welcome to North America, Santa!  Canadian CF-18, American F-16 herald the birth of the baby Jesus

So be sure to log off whatever true meaning Christmas has for you, and log on to NORAD's Santa Tracker.  Because, really, if the U.S. military can't bring you Christmas, who can?

Merry Christmas, all, and in the wider realm, Happy Holidays.

Scott M.X.,
Rocky's Quizmaster

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Here's something NORAD won't be tracking…

The Rocky Sullivan's Pub Quiz Quizzin' New Year's Eve Extravaganza!

Thursday December 31, 2009
THE ROCKY SULLIVAN'S QUIZZIN' NEW YEAR'S EVE
9pm

That's right – New Year's Eve falls on a Thursday.  And we're ready.  Free champagne, pointy hats, a post-midnight DJ to make your feet happy, and an evening of questions, photo- and music rounds about the year Two Oh-Oh Nine!  The last one of the decade.

It's the perfect New Year's Eve event for folks who wanna go out but don't wanna deal with all the New Year's Eve nonsense — expensive clubs, packed dance floors and the frightening tag-team of Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest.