Our pal Peter Loffredo, of Full Permission Living, went to the talent show at the Brooklyn New School. Unfortunately the elementary-aged performers were drowned out by BABIES. Once again, Brooklyn parents refuse to leave their very young children home:
Well, I have to do it. I have to say something unpopular again about this generation of parents in this part of Brooklyn un-raising their kids to their ultimate future detriment. Last night I went to the Brooklyn New School’s “Extravaganza,” a kind of talent night in which the elementary-age student participants are allowed to showcase their talents for comedy, music, poetry, dance, etc., in original ways, created by the students. Sounds like a pretty enlightened concept, right?
And indeed, as public schools go, BNS is pretty enlightened, certainly when compared to the absurdly – and undeservedly – vaunted PS 321.
Unfortunately, just like last year’s Extravaganza, the show was a debacle… and here’s why: there was no adult presence present. Oh, there were plenty of parents there, plenty of people between the ages of 35 and 55, but there weren’t any grown-ups! A number of the said parents saw fit to bring their screaming infants and bored, talkative toddlers to the event, making it next to impossible to enjoy or focus on the efforts of the older kids on stage trying to express something. (Many other parents there, without babies in tow since their kids were now older, but feeling guilty and identified with the disrupters nonetheless, didn’t say anything to silence the rudeness, even though the director of the Extravaganza, Jose, implored the audience to show some respect for the young performers on stage.)
Why did these people bring their babies to an evening talent show (just as they fought to be able to bring them to local bars)? So the tots could absorb the cultural experience? Have a social night out with other 3-month olds? Hello?!
Does not their wailing and restlessness indicate that they are in an inappropriate environment? And let’s not even mention the blatant rudeness of these hapless parents not caring in the slightest bit whether there might have been some other parents there who actually wanted to hear their 4th grader deliver her version of “Who’s On First?” (One of the few skits I could actually enjoy, only because I once performed it in high school and so had all the lines memorized and didn’t totally need to hear above the din of the miserably uncomfortable little ones.)
Here’s the really saddest thing, though, to me, as a therapist who has done a lot of work with children: these kids are used to not being heard. They are indulged and raised without boundaries and treated like faux princes and princesses, but they are not heard. They are put on stage, literally and figuratively, by their vicariously acting out, emotionally needy, egotistical parents… and then ignored, only to later be cooed over, while watching the video tape.
In one of the most poignant and powerful moments of the evening, two girls performed a beautiful piece combining music and original poetry, in which one of the actors expressed a desperate desire to scream in order to be heard by the adult world.
I wonder how many parents were actually listening
oh its not just school talent shows, it applies to other social events too :(
I understand Mr. Loffredo’s frustration, I really do. At our son’s school, babies and toddlers abound at school performances, and some parents do their best to hush the little ones, and others do little. However, Au Contraire should consider that the moms and dads of those noisy babies had made a point of being there to see their older child perform on stage, and the only way to be there without younger children in tow is to find a babysitter. But it’s not so easy to find an occasional babysitter who you trust, or who, as relative strangers to them, your kids will trust; and for many of us, it’s not so easy to afford. So that’s probably why they brought these disruptive tots to the performance.
It seems that what you might be wishing for is that the parents would help the toddlers to focus a bit on the show, or to at least use a quiet voice; or move out to the hall with the babies, or organize a separate play area for the toddlers. That would indeed be more considerate to the performers, and appropriate for the young ones.
At our school, a number of parents (including myself) have developed the chutzpa to serve as parents-at-large at these events, moving along the fringes and gently but firmly reminding the little kids (and sometimes the bigger kids) of what kind of behavior is expected. Over the last 5-1/2 years, no one has told us off for interfering with their kids (though maybe they’ve wanted to!) Maybe some of them appreciate our modeling how to do it?