http://onlytheblogknowsbrooklyn.com/2007/11/25/smartmom-in-sickness-health-opera/ Serving Park Slope and Beyond Mon, 26 Mar 2012 11:17:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 http://onlytheblogknowsbrooklyn.com/2007/11/25/smartmom-in-sickness-health-opera/comment-page-1/#comment-2951 frank Mon, 26 Nov 2007 19:43:09 +0000 http://onlytheblogknowsbrooklyn.addresszero.com/?p=5311#comment-2951 Just a note about AMtrak: I looked into taking the train for me and my wife to save money this year going to Minnesota for the holidays. The direct flight on NW airlines was actually cheaper and it only takes three hours as opposed to the more expensive and 30 hour train trip with a transfer. How can this be, surely a train uses less fuel pulling more passengers. Track maintenance must be more expensive than air maintenance I guess. I really wish we could take cheaper, faster trains in this country for obvious environmental reasons. Flying is exciting, but trains are rational. Just a note about AMtrak: I looked into taking the train for me and my wife to save money this year going to Minnesota for the holidays. The direct flight on NW airlines was actually cheaper and it only takes three hours as opposed to the more expensive and 30 hour train trip with a transfer. How can this be, surely a train uses less fuel pulling more passengers. Track maintenance must be more expensive than air maintenance I guess. I really wish we could take cheaper, faster trains in this country for obvious environmental reasons. Flying is exciting, but trains are rational.

]]> http://onlytheblogknowsbrooklyn.com/2007/11/25/smartmom-in-sickness-health-opera/comment-page-1/#comment-2950 Louise Crawford Sun, 25 Nov 2007 17:28:25 +0000 http://onlytheblogknowsbrooklyn.addresszero.com/?p=5311#comment-2950 Thanks for the great response. Louise Thanks for the great response. Louise

]]> http://onlytheblogknowsbrooklyn.com/2007/11/25/smartmom-in-sickness-health-opera/comment-page-1/#comment-2949 Peter Loffredo Sun, 25 Nov 2007 14:06:56 +0000 http://onlytheblogknowsbrooklyn.addresszero.com/?p=5311#comment-2949 Smartmom! You know I'm wagging my finger at you. You almost made it - not just to the opera, but more importantly, to that goal-line of egoless parenting. I, too, have golden memories of being home sick from school and having my mom happily serve me grilled cheese sandwiches and ginger ale, while I watched those same reruns of "Father Knows Best" and "Leave It To Beaver" (We must be about the same age!). In my adult years, however, I've often wondered if those pleasant memories of being sick and getting such special attention for it contriibuted to a strain of masochism in me that I had to later confront in therapy. Indeed, many people that I've worked with in therapy have had to struggle with their own predisposition to invite suffering into their lives in the hopes of receiving the pay-off of extra attention from a parental (transferential) substitute. I do understand your conflict, though, Smartmom. It is clear that you are a loving and dedicated mother (which is even more important than being "Smart."). By far, the hardest thing for such a parent to do in our times of off-the-scale overcompensation is nothing when it comes to our kids' rearing and well-being. But in this case, you actually had an option - delegating. Your husband was there, presumably ready, willing and able. He said "Just go!" But your own identification with OSFO, and YOUR desire to be special made you jump at the opportunity to retreat from your adult desires and plans. Of course, we all dread the day when our kids will say to us, "Just go," but nonetheless, if they become able to say that (without having to be too forceful), we will have done our job. Smartmom! You know I’m wagging my finger at you. You almost made it – not just to the opera, but more importantly, to that goal-line of egoless parenting. I, too, have golden memories of being home sick from school and having my mom happily serve me grilled cheese sandwiches and ginger ale, while I watched those same reruns of “Father Knows Best” and “Leave It To Beaver” (We must be about the same age!). In my adult years, however, I’ve often wondered if those pleasant memories of being sick and getting such special attention for it contriibuted to a strain of masochism in me that I had to later confront in therapy. Indeed, many people that I’ve worked with in therapy have had to struggle with their own predisposition to invite suffering into their lives in the hopes of receiving the pay-off of extra attention from a parental (transferential) substitute.
I do understand your conflict, though, Smartmom. It is clear that you are a loving and dedicated mother (which is even more important than being “Smart.”). By far, the hardest thing for such a parent to do in our times of off-the-scale overcompensation is nothing when it comes to our kids’ rearing and well-being. But in this case, you actually had an option – delegating. Your husband was there, presumably ready, willing and able. He said “Just go!” But your own identification with OSFO, and YOUR desire to be special made you jump at the opportunity to retreat from your adult desires and plans. Of course, we all dread the day when our kids will say to us, “Just go,” but nonetheless, if they become able to say that (without having to be too forceful), we will have done our job.

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